All About "Sabit"

You've seen that action done in countless movies and shows. It is the quintessential image of the stripper, male or female. "Magic Mike" made you curious to experience the same thing in Manila. You've wanted to do it. But then, you're just too afraid or too shy or too cash-strapped to even try. What's that action called in the local scene?

Those lucky dollar bills

Sabit.

But, wait. Doesn't the word "sabit" mean the following? 

Sabit 1: Hang clothes to dry
Sabit 2: Hang on to railings of jeepney's rear
Sabit 3 (or Sandara's "Walang Sabit"): Tangle-free hair

In the gay bar industry though, "sabit" gets a whole new meaning. There are no clothes (literally), no jeepneys, and no Sandaras (Koreans abound though). Magsabit ng pera involves tucking cash into the waistband of the macho dancer's bikini/underwear/cycling shorts as he is dancing on-stage or once a dancer approaches you. 

Click below to view full picture above and read more about "sabit":

Gay Bar Advice: Just Say No

"Natatakot akong magpunta sa gay bar kasi hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko sa loob. Lalo na't kung may hingiin sa akin at hindi ko alam kung paano ako tatanggi. (I am afraid in going to the gay bar because I don't know what to do inside. Especially if something is asked from me and I wouldn't know how to refuse). " 

"Minsan nagpunta ako sa gay bar, at napilitan ako magbigay kasi nahihiya akong magsabi na ayaw ko yun, hindi ko gusto yun. (Once in the gay bar, I was forced into something because I was too reluctant to say that I really didn't want that)."

When I read revelations like these from email senders, I can sense their worries in going to the gay bar. These can be money matters: worried about not having enough money or worried about losing all your money to one guy (parang lang casino, but isn't love just one big gamble? chos). It can also be guy matters: worried about choosing the wrong guy or worried about being thrown out the bar for not tabling a guy (no, this does not happen).  

I started going to the gay bars with the same feeling of being not in control. A stranger would approach me inside the dark bar, and I wouldn't know what to do. As I wonder what the proper response should be in certain situations, I worried I couldn't refuse anything this stranger would offer. Thus, I would always just say yes with anything they pushed me. Looking back, the fear I felt back was actually coming from a feeling of powerlessness.

But a gay bar goer shouldn't feel powerless. On the contrary, he or she has power of what would happen in the bar. It includes the power to say No.

For illustration purpose only, and not misheard lyrics.

So all you single ladies (and bekis), here are some examples of when to decline offers and tips on how to say it.

Read more:

Hanggang Saan Aabot Ang P2,000 Mo?

(Or, what can your P2000 buy you?)

Thanks to the commercial for the screen shot

So you're a gay boy who wants to have his first ever gay bar experience. You have been dreaming of seeing the insides of a macho dancing gay bar since you were a teenage gaylet. As excited as you are,  you however wouldn't know where to go, what time you're going, how you'll get there, who you'll bring along, and especially, how much to spend.

Oh yes. How much to spend. But unlike little boy Sef of the infamous Selecta Cornetto ice cream stick commercial, who seems to be savoring every lick and bite of a phallic symbol, you're given more than P20 to spend. (Seriously, what can you get in a gay bar with P20? Handshake from the parking attendant [hindi ka kasi pinapasok]? O baka, yung matabang mamang guard biglang mag macho dancing on his own while singing tugs, tugs, tugs?)

So because we're generous, let's increase it to P2,000. It's more than the average Friday night or Saturday night gimik spend. 

P2,000 can buy you a dinner date for two in Friday's or Chilli's, then catch the last full show (may pam-popcorn ka pa). It will allow you entrance in a Malate gay club, order 4 bottles of beer, pick-up a trick, then pay a 3-hour room in the nearest motel (may pambili ka rin ng condom -- priority!). If you want to do retail therapy, you can go to the mall and buy two new pairs of Havaianas, or a nifty shoulder bag, or a nice new collared top. 

But how about in a gay bar? How much do you bring when you go into a gay bar? And what if you only have P2,000? Let me show you what it can buy:  

Touched: Part 2

(Continued from Part 1)

The gay bar goer then awaits for the first comfortable breaking of personal space. He has been visually aroused by the performances by the manly eye candy on stage, and is already eager to elevate this with the sense of touch.

But the gay man needs to wait. Especially if with the boy of his choice.

He can start feeling up the dime a dozen (or P100 each) all-the-way dancers as much as he wants to. The bigger gay bars openly release them to the customers who are eager to get close to the rock hard dicks of these less-than-quality men. In the smaller gay bars, these men in the nude go directly beside the customer (an act the bar terms as "area"), where, for a tip, they allow themselves and their rock-hard thingies to be tapped, squeezed, fondled, grasped, and even shockingly stroked repeatedly. But to do that with his preferred macho dancer may take more than a hundred pesos and a one-time visit.

Touched: Part 1

The macho dancing gay bar of Manila has been known to be a very visual place. Patrons go there for the sights of dancing men in various states of undress. "Nude men, right before your eyes" seems to be a catch phrase for the curious wanting to enter the gay bar. Those who frequent the bar even find it as a feast for the lusty eyes.  

What I experienced last weekend in the gay bar got me into thinking though. I got the services of one of the fully dressed masseurs roaming the bar. Not the happy-ending type of massages, mind you (yeah, who would like to get it on with an er-ish oldie male masseur). For a tip of P100, these men try to give a 20-minute less-than-spa-treatment, if not painful, rub on the neck, shoulders, and back. It's a service offered to customers wanting to be relaxed, while watching the entertainment on-stage. 

The massage I got from this particular male masseur opened me up -- his warm hands stroking the grooves of my shoulder, his knuckles forcing the tight knots out of my back muscles, and his thumbs pressing deeply yet carefully into my palms. It was quietly arousing, without intending to be. And then, I thought:

Why can touch become so important in a very visual place?

Beware the Invitation

You go to your favorite macho dancing gay bar, with the intention of spending another P3,000 like you did the previous week. You order your macho dancer espesyal, and while waiting for him to be served, the gay floor manager sits beside you. He chats you up, and mentions the upcoming male pageant search to be held in their bar. You've heard about this before, so you nod in agreement as he asks if you'd be going. 

"Kunin po namin kayong judge ha (We'll get you as a judge)," he tells you with a shy smile.   

Flattered?

Of course, you've now become part of this elite group of very important guests who already has the power and unique skill in determining the top macho dancer in the bar. Fantastic! Imagine a stage filled with semi-nude men trying to get your attention and your vote.

You go again to their bar. The gay floor manager chats you up, and shares his excitement about their upcoming outing to this private beach resort. You've heard about this, as casually mentioned by your frequently-tabled macho dancer a few weeks back. You ask the gay floor manager about their overnight trip.

Weak Nights

Last night, my friend Mary was inviting me to come with her to “Home Base”, the gay bar. She intended to go to the bar, and was hoping that I’d join her.  The bar would’ve  gladly been graced by my presence, but I, the GB Goer, had to decline as I had early commitments the next day.

My commitments? Work. She invited me on a Wednesday night.

Just like any night out with friends, gay bar going is often a weekend activity. When friends ask themselves when they’d finally do their macho dancer watching adventure, they’d choose either Friday or Saturday. Or Friday AND Saturday, especially for boy-addicts like us friends. And in those freewheeling nights, the gay bars are expected to be packed.

But who goes on a weekday night?

“Us,” Mary would instantly answer, given the question. True enough, it wouldn’t be my first weekday gay bar adventure if I decided to join her last night. Since I declined the tempting offer, I just asked her to give updates on the events in the bar.

What “events”? Apparently, it happened to be an uneventful night in the bar, typical of weekday nights.

Like last night, as only about three or four tables were occupied, according to Mary. A group of lady office workers looking for an after-work night out. A lonely gay guy, on his 3^rd bottle of beer, who didn’t have access to porn. Two mature burly men who look more like undercover policemen or barangay tanod on their day-off. A trio of Caucasian male tourists who were looking for some gay action in Manila.  

Even if there were customers, they’d be mere observers of dancing men. Either they arrive way too early before midnight and just stay for an hour, or they’d come in and stay longer, but without “tabling” a dancer. These customers, termed by the bar as coming from a “Tanawan, Batangas (provincial town translated as ‘viewer’)”, might not want to spend the night with boys, as they might have next-day commitments (just like me), on a tight budget, or simply not interested.

On these slow nights, the macho dancers know that money won’t be flowing in. Out of the thirty or so employed boys, only about five would be lucky enough to be “tabled” on weekday nights. The others would just wait in the dressing room, watch TV, chat, text their lovers or customers, or sleep even if prohibited.

Thus, those who are “bangkay” (corpse / zombie) on consecutive nights would often feel too lazy to come to work. “Wala namang kita, bakit pa ako papasok? (There’s no income, so why come to work?)” would often be the real excuse of not showing up for work on our, the customer’s, work night.  

And to unwind is what we, gay bar patrons going on weekday nights, seek. Wouldn’t it be nice to grab two bottles of beer with a hunky man comforting you (or at least pretending to) after a stressful day?

Besides, there’s less competition on weekday nights. The more popular macho dancers are often “tabled” early by newcomers or their regular guests on packed weekends. So if one fancies a particular boy who was unavailable the first time he or she went to the bar, then maybe a weekday visit might open an opportunity for him or her to solo the boy for an entire night.  

Just how Mary felt last night – sitting relaxed beside her chosen partner, “Cap”, without the preying eyes of GB Goer and our friend Ringo. She could’ve even gotten our often-tabled “Beatty” behind our backs, whom she has been eyeing since we first saw his now-famous pole-dancing routine.

So now, as I am writing this post, I’m getting envious that she experienced being alone with her beloved last night. A simple invitation to go to the nearest gay bar bar can make any MD-addict weak, even on a weekday night. It’s already 9:30 PM on a Thursday night, and I am waiting for her call. But it’s still workday Friday tomorrow, I might debate. Yeah, as if it has never stopped me from going before.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com

Signs of a Virgin Gay Bar Goer

The macho dancing gay bar scene is full of various customers. There are the mature gays who are either pot-bellied beer-drinking discreet-looking ones or the effeminate next-to-parloristas out their for their next boylet. There are the matronas, or mature women in their mid-40s above, more popularly known now as "cougars", who want to divert their attention (and money) to their hottest young thing. There are also hostesses and GROs working from the girlie bars in the vicinity, looking for a relaxing good time.

And all of them started out as a newbie gay bar goer.

The newbie gay bar goers nowadays look the same -- groups of women or gays in their 20s to 30s. As a regular patron of gay bars, with the help of the tranny performers and other macho dancers, I now find it easy to spot these neophytes inside the bar. They have no experience in any macho dancing gay bar in any city. That's why they all act similarly, whatever gender or age range they may be.

So to spot these virgin gay bar goers inside a gay bar, here are the top ten signs (and see if they hold true for you):

...Where The Boys Are!

(a personal Valentine's Day post)

"Saan ka pupunta? (Where are you going?)" asked by one beautician to his bride-to-be client in a scene in one of the gayest local films in 2010, Here Comes the Bride.

"Eh di sa beach (To the beach)... Where the boys are!" exclaimed by his gay co-beautician, who was magically trapped inside the body of the bride-to-be, played by Angelica Panganiban.

In the last 7 days, I've been hopping around the gay bars AND gay clubs of Metro Manila. Kingdom Come and Bed Club Malate in one night. Returned to Kingdom Come on another night. Home Base and O Bar Ortigas two nights after. Then returned to O Bar Ortigas last night.

These places were packed on those nights. Lonely gays, both old and young, in either the gay bar or the gay club. Some mature women in the macho bars. They may be looking for their last minute Valentine's date. Just how malls are packed a few days before Christmas.

As for me, my real reason to spend four nights inside gay-oriented bars: all in the search of boys.

My realization from all these. After the jump:

Reasons Why Your Macho Dancer is Absent At Work

In light of my going to Kingdom Come two nights ago, and not seeing Stewart there, even if he knew I was going to the bar this week...

Scenario: It's your second or third time going to this gay bar. A few weeks ago on your first visit, you  tabled this particular macho dancer. He looks like he can pass as a local reality show celebrity, has a lean figure, tall, in his early-to-mid 20s, charming, and courteous. You were looking forward to spend intimate time with him in this bar, as you had imagined just hours before during dinner. So you enter into the bar, and after a few minutes chatting with the gay floor manager, you found out from her, voila...

He did not show up for work.

To name the ten most common reasons (real ones or fabricated) why he was not present at work that night*, in random order, after the jump:

*Note: This assumes he is coming back to work, maybe the next day or the next week, and does not assume he has left the bar or resigned already.

Ayan, Napaghahalata Tuloy

SM North Edsa, Skywalk 2nd floor.
Martes, 9:15 P.M.

Dalawang magkaibigang vakels ang naglalakad. Sina Mary at GB Goer. Nag-iisip kung saan kakain.

May boylet na dumaan sa harap nila. Early 20s. Mestizo. 5 foot 8. Naka itim na fitted razorback na sando, itim na pantalon na slim cut, at itim na balat na sapatos. May bag na dala. Bumaba sa escalator papuntang ground level, sa sakayan.

Nagtinginan ang magkaibigan.

GB: Macho dancer?
Mary: Oo nga! Yun din naisip ko!
GB: Sure ka?
Mary: Halata.
GB: Dahil sa sando no?
Mary: Pati sa itsura.
GB: Baka naman pangit. (Hindi kasi nakita ang fez).
Mary: Nakita ko nga e. Pwedeng pwede!
GB: Ay! Halika, sundan natin.
Mary: Sa baba?
GB: Oo! Hanggang makasakay. Alamin natin kung saan pupunta.

Tiningnan ni Mary nang masama si GB Goer, na para bang may luka-lukang kausap. Tinawanan na lang ni GB. I-stalk ba raw ang boylet?

Mary: Tamang-tama, oras na ng pasok.

Tumingin si GB sa relo. 9:20 PM. Pwede.

GB: In fairness, ready na sa susuotin niya. Magpapalit na lang ng pantalon at sapatos.
Mary: Korek!
GB: Baka naman waiter? Nagpalit na lang siya ng sando pagkatapos ng shift.
Mary: Hindi! Bagong ligo e. (Napag-isip si GB: Paano niya nalaman? Naamoy kaya niya?)
GB: Naka-make up na ba?
Mary: Hindi. Syempre sa bar na mag-muuukkk up!
GB: Korek! San San foundation.

At dahil pinag-usapan ng dalawa ang pinaghihinalaang macho dancer, wala nang nangyari sa kanila mula noong dumaan ang boylet.

Mary: Alis na nga tayo rito.

Umalis ang dalawang magkaibigan sa mall nang hindi naghapunan. Nabusog siguro sa nakita.

Lesson: Sa mga lalaki
Para sa mga lalaking ayaw mapagkamalang macho dancer ng mga bading habang papunta kung saan man, huwag magsuot ng itim na fitted razorback na sando at balat na sapatos, lalo na kung nasa mall na malapit-lapit sa isang gay bar. Siguraduhin ding huwag maligo bago pumasok. Lalo na kung guwapo.

Lesson: Sa mga vakels
Huwag masyadong ipaghalatang alam ang itsura ng isang macho dancer na naka going-to-work attire. Baka isipin ng mga tao sa paligid na napapadalas ang pagpunta niyo sa gay bar. Huwag din masyadong malikot ang mata. Baka kung sinu-sino na lang ang pagkamalan ninyong macho dancer.


GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

Gay Bar Advice: First Time Conversations with "Tabled" Boys

So you enter the macho dancing or hosto bar for the first time, and decide to table a macho dancer, hosto or model. For sure, you're also prepared to spend for his drinks that night. But wait, with the amount you'll be spending, a thought flashes -- what do you talk about?

My friend Ringo and I went to one of the gay bars in Quezon City, north of Manila, last night. It was our first time there in that bar, actually in any bar in that infamous area. And yes, we decided to table a pair of boys that night.

While going through the rounds of the gay bars in Manila over the past months, I've had numerous first time conversations with various boys already. Time and again, I would repeat the same questions to different boys. Oddly enough, while their specifc answers would differ obviously, they'd respond somewhat similarly, making you think "Parang narinig ko na yan dati."

Here's my usual flow, and their usual answers:

• Ano pangalan mo - their bar names or alias in the bar
• Ilang taon ka na - generally in their early to mid 20s (because I like 'em young). You'll get answers of late 20s to 30s when you happen to table the veterans.
• Gaano ka na katagal nagtatrabaho dito - Their answer to this merits another blog post, as the answer would depend if they'd be honest or lie. But usually, the answer falls in the "not more than a year" category (two months, six months, bago pa lang po, etc). 
• Gaano ka na katagal nagtatrabaho sa ganito - Haha, another blog post. Being new in that specific bar doesn't mean that he's new in the industry. Again, the common answer is the same as above.
• Saan ka nagtrabaho bago rito - Common answers are fastfood employee, restaurant waiter, department store sales personnel, hotel staff. Honest ones will answer with the name of another gay bar (if they were not new in the industry).
• Saan ka nakatira - From Caloocan-Valenzuela area to Pasay-Manila to Sucat-Paranaque. Bulacan and Cavite are also not uncommon. You'll also get answers such as boarding house, or nakikitira sa pinsan or magulang.

How you continue the discussion after these basics is actually up to you, and how deep you want to know your boy. As for me, I usually ask them about their profession. Like, how they feel working there, why they decided to work in that bar (you won't get a straight answer), who their friends / buddy / tropa are in the bar, what time they go to work and go home, how many drinks they need to sell, if they find it difficult to work, nag-aaral ka pa ba, etc.

For more personal stuff, I only ask way into the night. I feel that "may girl friend or asawa ka na?" and "may anak ka na?" is a bit somewhat intrusive already. Thus, when I ask those questions, I immediately prepare myself for the instant answers "wala pa" or "hiniwalayan ko na." Most, I feel, are lying. Most whom I've developed to have a relationship with were not.

Some of the guys may even start to share their "sad" stories. Usually, these will be about how they are breadwinners of the family, or helping out with expenses, or not graduating college, or how they ended up in that bar even if they didn't want to -- most of which are money-related. I just let them talk at this time, giving them the benefit of the doubt that there have no hidden intentions with these stories. I've learned my lesson not to offer anything at this point, unless I want to become that rich gay benefector.

Last note. I've also experienced nervousness, especially during my first times, with conversations filled with long awkward moments of silence. But somehow I realized, sayang yung bote na binabayaran ko kung di kami mag-uusap, so why not make the most out of it?

Keep in mind to just enjoy. You went there to be entertained. Part of the fun, of course, is being entertained with a conversation with these boys.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

Knee Pads

When websites and blogs describe the basic uniform of a macho dancer, they often mention three things -- sando or wife beaters, boxer briefs / short shorts, and the infamous high boots. These are the obvious and basic things one sees, worn by almost all macho dancers in all macho dancing bars / gay bars / strip clubs.

What they always forget though is the one most important piece of garment any macho dancer must have, from a newbie of nineteen to an aging retiring dancer aged thirty plus -- the knee pads.

Comes in two colors -- white or black.
Note: Actual macho dancers have hairier and more muscular legs than the models above.

No one actually notices this piece of garment unless one asks the dancer or really observes. The knee pads look inconspicuous as they're partially hidden by the high leather boots.

The main reason for using is quite obvious. It protects their knees when they kneel on the stage floor when doing their macho moves. Imagine this quite difficult macho routine as an example (with background music - Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing"):

At 2nd chorus before the bridge, when Steven Tyler sings "I don't wanna close my eyes / I don't wanna fall asleep", from a standing position, they suddenly kneel on their left knee as they twirl their arms above their heads. At "Cause I miss you baby / And I don't wanna miss a thing", they shift to kneel on their right knee, then rotate on the right knee to face the back of the stage. Then at "Cause even when I dream of you / the sweetest thing will never do", they will kneel on both knees then bend backwards as if lying face-up on the ground (while rolling their two arms - infamous macho dance move), then raise themselves using their knees. At "I still miss you baby / And I don't wanna miss a thing" , they rotate again to face the audience, do a snake-like gyration. Then at the bridge "I don't wanna miss one smile / I don't wanna miss one kiss", they will lie facing the ground, dry humping it as if to simulate sex... just using their hands and knees on the ground. They do this for most of the bridge until the high note of "for all the rest of time". Then they stand up before the last chorus.   

Their knee pads may protect them when they're dancing on stage, but these can become really uncomfortable, according to these dancers. This is most true when they are seated and tabled with the customer, as the knees become sweaty and warm underneath these pads. If not washed regularly, these too become itchy when worn. The dancers can't remove these after each dance, as it will involve removing their high boots and unfastening and re-fastening all the buckles per boot. So they just keep them on, until they are called for their next stage performance.

So if you, as a customer, want to impress a newbie, ask him if he already has his pair of knee pads. If not, you may want to buy him some. Because for sure, he will priortize investing on the three basics I mentioned earlier -- new sandos, new boxer briefs, and those high leather boots, which are rather quite expensive (P5K - P7K). Just a thought, if you have the means, why not pay for all these as well?

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

Reasons Why He Didn't Reply

To name the most common reasons why a macho dancer or hosto didn't reply to your text message (or didn't text at all):

In light of Stewart's very late reply a full day and night (24+ hours) after our supposed meet-up

1. Nawalan ng load - TOP reason and easiest justification of not texting you back

    > Making you think twice if you want to send him some load... or a ploy to make you send him some

    > Caution though, sending him some load might backlash if you expect that he use the load you sent him just for you. He still has friends and family to text also, remember.

2. Na-low bat ako / Naka-patay ang phone / Charging - It's not my fault; it's the phone's fault!

    a. Variation 1: Sira ang phone / Luma na ang phone

    > Well, most will tell you honestly about the state of their phones. But take care. Sometimes this is a ploy to buy him a brand new phone, preferrably an iPhone or BB or any new smart phone in the market.

    b. Variation 2: Sinangla ang phone

    > I never knew that pawnshops accepted cellphones already (since late 90s pa ba?). Well, I've seen 2nd hand cellphones being sold, but not pawned. As per the boys who've actually pawned their phones, oftentimes, they just let go of their quite expensive phones in the pawnshop, hoping to receive a new one (from you or another guest). But, they eventually buy a cheaper model (from their earnings, or from poor you who was sympathetic enough to give him enough money to buy back the expensive phone but traded for a cheaper one).

3. Sori tulog pa / Nakatulog ako kagabi - Don't you know my sched?

    > Especially if you text him between 9am and 5pm. You naman kasi, you know naman their night shift schedule diba, so what do you expect.

   > Doubt though if he replies with this message the next morning. Again, you have an idea of their schedule and your boy's general sleeping-waking patterns.

4. Nagbibihis / Nagpa-plantsa ng buhok - I need to look good, that's why you like me. 

    > Looking good is important in this industry. You'll usually receive this after their call time of 9-10pm. But if he replies at 1am with this message, you need to think twice if he's telling you the truth. Unless he is THAT vain.

    a. Variation: Kumain muna.

    > He's usually honest about this, especially if the lag period is about 30 minutes to an hour. He'll even follow up with "ikaw, kumain na ba?" Sweet, I know.

5. Sumasayaw or Rumampa kanina (and replies a few hours after with: "kakatapos ko lang sumayaw")

   > One of the more honest replies from him. Especially if sent between 11-12 midnight, or at about 2-4 am.

6. Naka-table ako / May guest ako na dumating - I am at work. Busy. Focused. Just like you at work.

   > One of the more honest replies from him. Especially if sent between 1-4 am. As a guest, you don't want your tabled macho dancer or hosto to be texting while you are there. That's why most keep their phones hidden -- in their boots, at the side of their boxer shorts, pants, or with the wardrobe personnel.

  > If you're not the understanding type (ie. selosa/seloso), you'll be in endless discussion with him on the type of work that he is in, and that you, of all people, should understand it. So the next time you ask, he might just lie to you instead of telling you that he was tabled by a customer that time

7. May sakit ako kaya hindi naka-reply

   > Give him the benefit of the doubt. He might not have any load at that time and was not well enough to get out of bed to the nearest sari-sari store to purchase some load. Of course, he won't explain it to you that way. But when you get sick, isn't it easy enough to at least inform the other party of your slight fever, to quell any of their worries (assuming you have load)?

8. Bumabiyahe pa / Nasa jeep or bus or FX or LRT ako -- Don't text me when I am in transit, for many reasons...

   > Their reasons: Phone might get stolen if I use it while in transit. Or I didn't hear the message tone. Or I was asleep while commuting. Or I can't reply when another guest of mine is bringing me to work in his/her car (of course, they won't say that to you).

9. Busy / May pinuntahan / Nag gym ako -- I have errands too, you know.

   > If you probe him further on this one, he'll either blast you with a litany on what happened to him that day (honest or fabricated, seeking empathy or simply ranting) or just shut you out with a "basta."

10. Other absurd reason he'll give to make you feel he hasn't forgetten you (or hasn't flirted with some other guest)

    > Combination of three or more reasons mentioned above - Sure, give him the benefit of the doubt.    

    > Kinagat ng daga, kaya nag punta sa ospital at etc etc -- a private joke among my friends, as replied by one of the boys. But, as absurd as it sounds, really? Ouch!

    > Nabasa ang phone -- Did the guys go swimming between last night we met and this morning?

    > Nakipagkita sa kapatid / tito / pinsan / barkada / (insert relative's or friend's name) - Even if it took the entire day or night or weekend for him to reply, he will never mention that it was another guest he met up with.

But remember Occum's Razor. Loosely summarized, "The simplest answer is usually the correct answer."

Guess which one was Stewart's reply to me.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com 
Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

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The Meal between 7pm and 10pm

“Stewart” and I were supposed to meet earlier for dinner. We made quick arrangements yesterday to meet up tonight before he goes to work. Between 7pm to 10pm

This time is sort of the “holy grail” if a customer would want to meet up quickly with a macho dancer or hosto outside of the bar. They are usually free at this time -- after they wake-up at 6-7 pm and before their call time of 9-10 pm. On a regular day, this is the time they take a quick shower, dress up for work, catch a glimpse of some local TV shows, and grab a quick bite at home, before they head out for a 30-minute to an hour commute to work.

But oftentimes, they would rush to go to work without having eaten anything yet. Once they arrive in their bar, they would either order a one ulam (viand) rice meal from the bar’s kitchen, or sneak outside to eat at the nearby carinderia, or eat a few pieces of pandesal / egg they brought, or suffer the entire night without having eaten anything (worse, they’d be drinking beer on an empty stomach). They’d be lucky if a customer who “tabled” them that night would order one or two plates of bar chow together with their drinks. Of course, they’d be luckier if the matakaw customer would order so much (attention: my friend, “Ringo”) that, as one macho dancer said, with this free meal, “kanin na lang ang kulang.”

So I thought an invitation to dine out – call it either my dinner or their “breakfast” – would be accepted without hesitation. I never got a refusal from any boy who was on his way to work; some of them even invite us out. What’s to lose from a free dinner treated by a customer?

I don’t know, but Stewart never replied if our dinner would push through tonight.   

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

What Time Did He Text You?

1/1/11, 11:11PM - Hobbes texted "Kumusta?"

A hosto once told me to observe what time your boy will text you. The time of day usually might give some indication how they see you as a guest. Remember, they usually are in the bars from 10pm to 5am, and in their homes from 7am to 8pm.

BETWEEN 9-12pm

If they send an sms message during their work hours, especially between 9pm to 12pm, asking whether you would visit them in the bar, then obviously, they see you as one of his customers, and possibly just that and nothing else, nothing more.

If you reply that you won't go to their bar tonight AND he stops texting you right after, then he has stopped thinking of you as someone who'll finance his night in the bar. He may have moved on to text another customer. Just wait for another text message the following night.

If you reply that you won't go to their bar tonight AND still he insists you go, either he really honestly genuinely likes your company, or maybe just your money. You may have been the 6th customer that he has asked since the night started, and the first 5 ones already declined going to the bar. So in a desperate attempt, he would woo you to be in his arms tonight in the bar, as he has already missed you or your ____ (insert "pretty face", "scent", "conversation", "sexy voice", etc).

So do take caution with: "i miz u. kelan ka balik d2?", sent at 1030 PM.

BETWEEN 7am to 8pm

If they send you an sms message before their work hours, or anytime between 7am to 8pm, my hosto friend said that the MD or hosto has thought about you outside the confines of his bar. Possibly, he texted you in his home, or on his bed in-between shut-eye, in front of the tv, doing errands (labada) or outside with his friends in the mall.

Yes, you're still his customer, but maybe even more than that. Just maybe. Especially if you've tabled him more than once already. He may genuinely enjoy your conversations, and possibly to the point of even liking you (romantically, pero huwag masyadong umasa). And yeah, give him the benefit of the doubt, as he may honestly miss you that's why he sent you that "miz u" message.

I find it even sweet if they text you at this time and invite you to meet outside for dinner, a chat, or coffee. Of course, you will just shoulder the cost. But it is MUCH cheaper than 4 bottles of MD drinks in their bar.

But be cautious also, as the text message at this time, or to meet outside before his work hours, may indicate that he needs something else. Money for his motor, money for his costume, money for his ailing mom, money for his long lost tita who suffered an accident in their province who needs to go to the hospital asap but can't afford, etc. Of course, they will be a bit embarrassed to bring it up at first. But those who are really desperate (or thick skinned), will ask in some form or another.

"i miz u" -- It's easy to fall for them... and just as easy to fall for their tricks as well. TC!

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

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Gay Bar Advice: Selecting a Boy, Show-up

When I was a first-timer in macho dancing bars, I knew I wanted to experience getting a boy to table with me. But with all the coaxing of "Janice" the tranny floor manager for me to get a boy, choosing "the one" became very nerve-wracking:

How would I choose? Which boy would I choose? How much to table a guy? Do I have enough money? Would I like the boy? Would the boy abuse and keep on drinking MD drinks? What if someone I knew went into the bar and saw me with a boy in tow? Will I say "Hi Tita, I was just dragged by my friend who's getting married (at 40?), and this is her ka-table named Junjun"?

Then, with a quickened pulse, I decided to get one. Janice then invited me to go across the bar to view the showroom. All the way there? Where everyone can see me? With the lights of the showroom too bright? Won't the boys see me from this supposed one-way mirror? Embarrassed, I just told her I would select from the boys dancing on stage. In hindsight, that decision already limited my choices.

Good thing, there's what bars call "show up." The manager will gather the un-tabled, available boys, and make them stand in front of you all at once (or in groups of 4-5), in a military line-up, for you to choose. Just like going to the showroom, this can also get a bit embarrassing because all eyes will be on you -- the boys, the manager, the waiters, and the other curious customers.



Crude representation of a show-up: Imagine a line of boys in their underwear in front of you

More experienced than my first visit, I've already requested for "show-up"s from various bars already. I guess I've gotten over the embarrassment (or shame) connected with choosing and table-ing a boy.

What's so interesting about show-up's is the range of looks and expressions of these boys. A few boys give blank stares, not caring if they will be picked. Some will be beaming proud, over-confident that they will be the chosen one, possibly because they know they are the most good-looking or most popular in the bunch (note: "Ruiz"). There will be a few who will be smiling to death, or raising their eyebrows, trying with all their energy to charm the customer. One or two will just be at the back of the group, either shy-types or newbies or those who feel that for the nth time this week, they won't be picked. Once a boy is chosen, the rest will simply walk back to their original places -- on unoccupied seats/couches, in their dressing room, or in the showroom.

I got to experience though a slight variation of these show-ups last month (eight months after my first visit). The manager simply introduced two boys at a time, with a name, proper greeting and handshake. I felt it was more respectful to the boys, more discreet for the customer, and less embarrassing to the un-chosen boys. I also felt being in some scene from "The Bachelor(ette)", being wooed by guys one at a time.

Oddly enough, in spite of the managers pushing or the boys' efforts to stand-out or blend in during show-ups, I would already know which macho dancer or hosto to choose. I would've seen the boy earlier that night, either dancing on stage, walking around, or seated from the other end of the bar. With a show-up of the whole set of available men, I just wanted to make sure I've chosen the right one (and confirm that no one else in the bar was better).

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer