Overheard at the Gay Bar Banyo

One of the benefits of being a gay male in a gay bar is sharing the same comfort room with the male models working there. Wait, that did not sound right. I'm not talking about the peaking that happens between two men standing beside two adjacent urinals. Nor am I talking about an illicit quickie or "song" number done in a locked cubicle. Pervert!

Let me rephrase my first statement: One of the benefits of being a chismoso gay male in a gay bar is sharing the same comfort room with the male models working there.

When I go on bathroom breaks in the gay bar, I get to chance upon one or two dancers on their phones. I don't intend to listen in to their conversations while doing my own business. But because they always seem to shout loudly while on the phone, thinking they're still at the customer area (ever notice how people shout loudly on the phone if the background noise is too loud?), I can't help but hear what they're saying. 

Here, I compiled some oft-mentioned lines, including a few shady ones, that I've heard when a macho dancer is on the phone in the rest room. The chismoso in me can't help but over-analyze what I overhear inside those rooms.

Silly Little Favors

"Pare, Txt mo ako 'punta ka dito'. (Dude, Send me a text message 'come here')," texted by Japoy*, a macho dancer in one of Manila's gay bars.

"Ha? Nandito ako sa bar niyo, may kaupo ako. (Huh? I am here in your bar, with someone sitting beside me)." I replied. I thought he wanted me to get him, even though I knew he was seated with someone else.

"Ako rin, meron eh. Sige na, text mo ako. Pakita ko lang sa asawa ko. (I am also seated with someone. Please, text me. I'm just going to show my wife.)"

"Bakit? Sino ba yang customer mo? (Why? Who's that customer with you?)"  

"Sabihin ko mamaya. Daan ako diyan saglit. (I'll tell you later. I'll drop by your area for a while)," Japoy texted. He appeared a few minutes after, leaving his customer quickly, while the one seated with me went to the toilet.

What he told me, after the jump:

Reasons Why He Didn't Reply

To name the most common reasons why a macho dancer or hosto didn't reply to your text message (or didn't text at all):

In light of Stewart's very late reply a full day and night (24+ hours) after our supposed meet-up

1. Nawalan ng load - TOP reason and easiest justification of not texting you back

    > Making you think twice if you want to send him some load... or a ploy to make you send him some

    > Caution though, sending him some load might backlash if you expect that he use the load you sent him just for you. He still has friends and family to text also, remember.

2. Na-low bat ako / Naka-patay ang phone / Charging - It's not my fault; it's the phone's fault!

    a. Variation 1: Sira ang phone / Luma na ang phone

    > Well, most will tell you honestly about the state of their phones. But take care. Sometimes this is a ploy to buy him a brand new phone, preferrably an iPhone or BB or any new smart phone in the market.

    b. Variation 2: Sinangla ang phone

    > I never knew that pawnshops accepted cellphones already (since late 90s pa ba?). Well, I've seen 2nd hand cellphones being sold, but not pawned. As per the boys who've actually pawned their phones, oftentimes, they just let go of their quite expensive phones in the pawnshop, hoping to receive a new one (from you or another guest). But, they eventually buy a cheaper model (from their earnings, or from poor you who was sympathetic enough to give him enough money to buy back the expensive phone but traded for a cheaper one).

3. Sori tulog pa / Nakatulog ako kagabi - Don't you know my sched?

    > Especially if you text him between 9am and 5pm. You naman kasi, you know naman their night shift schedule diba, so what do you expect.

   > Doubt though if he replies with this message the next morning. Again, you have an idea of their schedule and your boy's general sleeping-waking patterns.

4. Nagbibihis / Nagpa-plantsa ng buhok - I need to look good, that's why you like me. 

    > Looking good is important in this industry. You'll usually receive this after their call time of 9-10pm. But if he replies at 1am with this message, you need to think twice if he's telling you the truth. Unless he is THAT vain.

    a. Variation: Kumain muna.

    > He's usually honest about this, especially if the lag period is about 30 minutes to an hour. He'll even follow up with "ikaw, kumain na ba?" Sweet, I know.

5. Sumasayaw or Rumampa kanina (and replies a few hours after with: "kakatapos ko lang sumayaw")

   > One of the more honest replies from him. Especially if sent between 11-12 midnight, or at about 2-4 am.

6. Naka-table ako / May guest ako na dumating - I am at work. Busy. Focused. Just like you at work.

   > One of the more honest replies from him. Especially if sent between 1-4 am. As a guest, you don't want your tabled macho dancer or hosto to be texting while you are there. That's why most keep their phones hidden -- in their boots, at the side of their boxer shorts, pants, or with the wardrobe personnel.

  > If you're not the understanding type (ie. selosa/seloso), you'll be in endless discussion with him on the type of work that he is in, and that you, of all people, should understand it. So the next time you ask, he might just lie to you instead of telling you that he was tabled by a customer that time

7. May sakit ako kaya hindi naka-reply

   > Give him the benefit of the doubt. He might not have any load at that time and was not well enough to get out of bed to the nearest sari-sari store to purchase some load. Of course, he won't explain it to you that way. But when you get sick, isn't it easy enough to at least inform the other party of your slight fever, to quell any of their worries (assuming you have load)?

8. Bumabiyahe pa / Nasa jeep or bus or FX or LRT ako -- Don't text me when I am in transit, for many reasons...

   > Their reasons: Phone might get stolen if I use it while in transit. Or I didn't hear the message tone. Or I was asleep while commuting. Or I can't reply when another guest of mine is bringing me to work in his/her car (of course, they won't say that to you).

9. Busy / May pinuntahan / Nag gym ako -- I have errands too, you know.

   > If you probe him further on this one, he'll either blast you with a litany on what happened to him that day (honest or fabricated, seeking empathy or simply ranting) or just shut you out with a "basta."

10. Other absurd reason he'll give to make you feel he hasn't forgetten you (or hasn't flirted with some other guest)

    > Combination of three or more reasons mentioned above - Sure, give him the benefit of the doubt.    

    > Kinagat ng daga, kaya nag punta sa ospital at etc etc -- a private joke among my friends, as replied by one of the boys. But, as absurd as it sounds, really? Ouch!

    > Nabasa ang phone -- Did the guys go swimming between last night we met and this morning?

    > Nakipagkita sa kapatid / tito / pinsan / barkada / (insert relative's or friend's name) - Even if it took the entire day or night or weekend for him to reply, he will never mention that it was another guest he met up with.

But remember Occum's Razor. Loosely summarized, "The simplest answer is usually the correct answer."

Guess which one was Stewart's reply to me.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com 
Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

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What Time Did He Text You?

1/1/11, 11:11PM - Hobbes texted "Kumusta?"

A hosto once told me to observe what time your boy will text you. The time of day usually might give some indication how they see you as a guest. Remember, they usually are in the bars from 10pm to 5am, and in their homes from 7am to 8pm.

BETWEEN 9-12pm

If they send an sms message during their work hours, especially between 9pm to 12pm, asking whether you would visit them in the bar, then obviously, they see you as one of his customers, and possibly just that and nothing else, nothing more.

If you reply that you won't go to their bar tonight AND he stops texting you right after, then he has stopped thinking of you as someone who'll finance his night in the bar. He may have moved on to text another customer. Just wait for another text message the following night.

If you reply that you won't go to their bar tonight AND still he insists you go, either he really honestly genuinely likes your company, or maybe just your money. You may have been the 6th customer that he has asked since the night started, and the first 5 ones already declined going to the bar. So in a desperate attempt, he would woo you to be in his arms tonight in the bar, as he has already missed you or your ____ (insert "pretty face", "scent", "conversation", "sexy voice", etc).

So do take caution with: "i miz u. kelan ka balik d2?", sent at 1030 PM.

BETWEEN 7am to 8pm

If they send you an sms message before their work hours, or anytime between 7am to 8pm, my hosto friend said that the MD or hosto has thought about you outside the confines of his bar. Possibly, he texted you in his home, or on his bed in-between shut-eye, in front of the tv, doing errands (labada) or outside with his friends in the mall.

Yes, you're still his customer, but maybe even more than that. Just maybe. Especially if you've tabled him more than once already. He may genuinely enjoy your conversations, and possibly to the point of even liking you (romantically, pero huwag masyadong umasa). And yeah, give him the benefit of the doubt, as he may honestly miss you that's why he sent you that "miz u" message.

I find it even sweet if they text you at this time and invite you to meet outside for dinner, a chat, or coffee. Of course, you will just shoulder the cost. But it is MUCH cheaper than 4 bottles of MD drinks in their bar.

But be cautious also, as the text message at this time, or to meet outside before his work hours, may indicate that he needs something else. Money for his motor, money for his costume, money for his ailing mom, money for his long lost tita who suffered an accident in their province who needs to go to the hospital asap but can't afford, etc. Of course, they will be a bit embarrassed to bring it up at first. But those who are really desperate (or thick skinned), will ask in some form or another.

"i miz u" -- It's easy to fall for them... and just as easy to fall for their tricks as well. TC!

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

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Photocredit: http://www.life123.com/holidays/etiquette/texting/how-to-text-message.shtml