Hanggang Saan Aabot Ang P2,000 Mo?

(Or, what can your P2000 buy you?)

Thanks to the commercial for the screen shot

So you're a gay boy who wants to have his first ever gay bar experience. You have been dreaming of seeing the insides of a macho dancing gay bar since you were a teenage gaylet. As excited as you are,  you however wouldn't know where to go, what time you're going, how you'll get there, who you'll bring along, and especially, how much to spend.

Oh yes. How much to spend. But unlike little boy Sef of the infamous Selecta Cornetto ice cream stick commercial, who seems to be savoring every lick and bite of a phallic symbol, you're given more than P20 to spend. (Seriously, what can you get in a gay bar with P20? Handshake from the parking attendant [hindi ka kasi pinapasok]? O baka, yung matabang mamang guard biglang mag macho dancing on his own while singing tugs, tugs, tugs?)

So because we're generous, let's increase it to P2,000. It's more than the average Friday night or Saturday night gimik spend. 

P2,000 can buy you a dinner date for two in Friday's or Chilli's, then catch the last full show (may pam-popcorn ka pa). It will allow you entrance in a Malate gay club, order 4 bottles of beer, pick-up a trick, then pay a 3-hour room in the nearest motel (may pambili ka rin ng condom -- priority!). If you want to do retail therapy, you can go to the mall and buy two new pairs of Havaianas, or a nifty shoulder bag, or a nice new collared top. 

But how about in a gay bar? How much do you bring when you go into a gay bar? And what if you only have P2,000? Let me show you what it can buy:  

(Please take note that all these expenses exclude transportation cost like gas or taxi)

Let's start cheap first. Suppose you don't plan to spend all of your P2,000. Here are ways how you can spend below your budget. 

For P500, you have two options: 

• Go to the smaller seedy gay bars in Cubao or Aurora, pay entrance fee of like P100, then order 2 drinks for your next 1-2 hours. You still have P100 left to give one, just one, all-the-way dancer asking for a tip during his area. Nakahawak ka pa.
• If you want to see the more established, iconic gay bars along Morato or Pasay-Paranaque, then you pay entrance fee from P150-P250, then order the obligatory two drinks for customers priced at about P120 each for 1.5 hour stay (which will still be taxed 10%-20%, depending on the bar). Sorry, no touch. Hanggang nood ka lang. "Taga-Tanawan," as what these gay bars say.

For ballpark figure of P1000:

• Go again to the smaller seedy gay bars in Cubao or Aurora, pay the entrance fee, then order 3-4 drinks for your next 2-3 hours (ayan, maglasing ka). You can shower P100 to three (3) all-the-way guys during their area. OR, order 2 drinks, table a guy for one MD drink that costs P300 good for 40 minutes to 1 hour, don't tip him nor any other tigas in the bar (maiinis lang sila though). Remember, there's still 10% tax they add to the bill.
• If you still want to go to the big and iconic gay bars (para lang masabi sa kaibigan na "uy, nakapasok na ako sa Adonis o Big Papa"), pay the entrance fee, then order 3 drinks for yourself. You will have a few P100 bills that you can give to 1 or 2 all-the-way guys who approach you. Hindi lang ikaw ang sumaya, may pinasaya ka pang iba. BUT, you don't get to table a guy with just a P1000 budget inside a big gay bar (unless you really don't tip, making you a "muraot" in their eyes).

If you plan to spend around P1500 (because you want to keep the remainder of your P2000 budget for taxi plus the after-bar pares or goto):

• For the smaller seedy bars, you do the advice above for P1000, and then you can give your tabled MD a tip of P200-300. Plus you can give one or two all-the-way guys some money when they approach you to touch their thingies. May nakausap ka na, may nahawakan ka pa.
• If you're itching to experience the bigger less raid-able gay bars, after the entrance fee, you go order 2 drinks for yourself. Now you can table an MD for 1 drink that costs around P350-P450 plus tax (depending on the bar). That is good for 40 minutes to 1 hour. Then give him a tip of P300 to P500. 
• This was my last bill in Adonis -- I was there for just an hour, with the first 15 minutes being alone, then calling one guy to sit with me, spent another 30 minutes with him for 1 drink. My bill was P1005, plus I gave my tabled guy P500 for tip (plus another P200 for the floor manager). Medyo bitin lang talaga yung time spent, therefore... 

P2,000 is what I feel is a slightly comfortable amount to go in a gay bar, big or small. That was the ballpark figure I spent during my first gay bar visits (P1730 + tip, to be precise). So, hanggang saan aabot ang P2,000?

• If you still prefer the cheap and dirty beer-house type of gay bar, just add one or two more MD drinks, to total around 3-4 drinks, so that you can spend around 3+ hours with your tabled guy. Tip him also with P300 to P500. In short, just double what you order with the advice above for P1000.
• The bigger gay bars will allow you entrance of P150 to P250. You can then order your required two drinks (around P110 per bottle of beer), then wait for 30 minutes before getting the man you want to table (kunwari hindi ka pa makapili kung sino iuupo mo). Spend 2 MD drinks for him, costing P350 to P450 per drink, to allow you around 1.5 to 2 hours of conversation. Then give him a tip (because these guys only earn from the tips you give them). If you have some money left, you can give tips to one all-the-way guy when he does his area, the waiter, the drag impersonators, and the mamasan floor manager. So, that's P200 entrance + P220 plus tax for 2 beers + P900 plus tax for 2 MD drinks + P300 to P500 tip to your guy + P200 for other tips. That's P2,000 for about 2-3 hour stay inside an iconic big gay bar (from 11pm to 2am).
• In short, just double the amount of drinks you order for both you and your man, stated above for P1000. 

Eh what if you're really want to spend? Some more tips and advice in spending inside a gay bar:

• Actually, what makes your bill increase exponentially is the amount of MD drinks you buy your macho dancer. Cost of MD drinks: Smaller seedy gay bars like Dreamboyz and Hotmen P300 each, and for Bigger iconic gay bars P350 to 400+. Just add one more MD drink to extend your time with your MD to the above scenarios, and you add around P400-500 to your bill. 
• A tip to remember: One MD drink should be good for one hour (that's gay bar policy). However, these men can drink the bottle in 30-40 minutes. So once the pesky waiter notices that the bottle is empty, he'll ask you if you want to give your man another drink, EVEN IF the one hour is not yet over. You can say yes, or you can say no. But if you say no, don't be surprised if your tabled macho dancer is gone after the hour is up (either he'll properly say goodbye or "pinatawag" sya / "called" by the manager). 
• If you want to spend around 4 to 5 hours in the gay bar (from 11PM to 4AM), which is quite average for gay bar addicts, you will have to buy your dancer around 4-6 drinks. Don't be surprised though if your bill will be around P3K to 4K. That excludes the tip you give your guy, who would then maybe expect more than P500 as you got his time longer.  
• Even getting a VIP room is around P2090 in Adonis or Maginoo for ONE hour (P1500 room rental plus one drink for the guy at P590, included with three songs for him to "dance" supposedly privately for you). Include your entrance fee and two drinks, then your bill will be more than P3000. Plus tip. 
• The highest I spent for a single night was P9000. That included around 5 drinks for me, 9 MD drinks, three orders of food, then a tip of P1500. It was on a big night event of the bar, with my friends who spent even more than I did (I think Ringo spent around P13000 because his MD had 15 MD drinks). Baliw pa kasi ako noon sa lalaking kasama ko. Not anymore now (I hope).

Eh paano naman for rich gay bar addicts like the matronas and the Koreanas and the gay entertainment writers and TV personalities? They spend around P4000 to P5000 each, even as high as P10,000 per visit. That doesn't even count the tips they give to their enamored macho dancers, who can get as low as P5,000 or P20,000 per visit. For sure, hindi Selecta Cornetto ice cream ang kinakain ng mga yan, kundi gallons of caramel-rhum gelatos imported pa from Italy, made with the freshest milk from New Zealand, and specially hand made by the premier dessert chef from France. May mukha pa ng matrona o Koreana sa label ng ice cream.

So going back to your P2,000 budget. In summary, it will allow you access to the macho dancing gay bars you've been curious to see. You'll get to see finally what happens inside, have 1.5 to 2 hours of conversation (getting-to-know-you and landian) with the macho dancer of your choice, and tipsy enough on a Friday or Saturday night.

The P2,000 will not allow you any sexual experiences, unless you're willing to pay the P3500 to P7000 bar fine (take him out of the bar), which doesn't include yet the extra tip for the boy you plan to have "fun" with. Or unless you suck him for an agreed fee in a discreet location inside the gay bar (banyo or dark corner), if you are not afraid to risk being discovered by the waiters or the other MDs. 

That's the reason why some of my friends, when I brought them to the gay bar, found it either boring or bitin. Spend quite a sum for some boring and repetitive dance routine and then talk, talk, and only talk (plus some visual eye candy). The customers would get stimulated with a half-naked man onstage, but without releasing that stimulated hormones or at least tabling anyone, they leave the gay bar unsatisfied.

So fine, if you really want to release some sexual energy with a paid man, just spend your P2,000 in a massage place in Quezon City, along Kamias, Kamuning, or the Scout Triangle area. May room ka na, may kasama pang therapeutic massage, oily skin, and that so-called extra service. Kung yun talaga habol mo, sex, then go for it. Just outside the gay bar though.

If not, just spend P2,000 for that monthly internet subscription to download free porn. Or, sign up to one month's subscription of a gay porn site in the US, for $39 a month. 

And then, there's that ice cream stick for only P20. Relive your young gay fantasies, while licking that hard and sticky 8-incher. Your P2000 then can really go a very long way. 100 sticks to be exact.

P.S. The rates above are merely ballpark figures, as each bar has their own entrance fees, MD drink rates, service charges, and kung anek-anek na taxes. I suggest you keep an extra P500 bill hidden inside your wallet, only to be used for emergency purposes.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com
twitter: @gbgoer

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Photo credits: Screen shot grabbed from Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cxf-m9pU7pQ&feature=related