Signs of a Virgin Gay Bar Goer

The macho dancing gay bar scene is full of various customers. There are the mature gays who are either pot-bellied beer-drinking discreet-looking ones or the effeminate next-to-parloristas out their for their next boylet. There are the matronas, or mature women in their mid-40s above, more popularly known now as "cougars", who want to divert their attention (and money) to their hottest young thing. There are also hostesses and GROs working from the girlie bars in the vicinity, looking for a relaxing good time.

And all of them started out as a newbie gay bar goer.

The newbie gay bar goers nowadays look the same -- groups of women or gays in their 20s to 30s. As a regular patron of gay bars, with the help of the tranny performers and other macho dancers, I now find it easy to spot these neophytes inside the bar. They have no experience in any macho dancing gay bar in any city. That's why they all act similarly, whatever gender or age range they may be.

So to spot these virgin gay bar goers inside a gay bar, here are the top ten signs (and see if they hold true for you):

1. They take hours in the car or taxi before going down

Actually, this was the last step after weeks (or years) of their planning and preparation. It started months ago to gather courage and ask another gay friend or gal pal if they're as curious as he / she is in going to the macho bar. Then it took weeks before deciding if they'd push through with their idea. Planning the entire "field trip" took a few more days-- which bar to go, which gay bar's website they had to research, who to bring along, what time to meet, where to park the car, and how much to bring. Then, they had to endure a few more hours of heart-pumping, stomach-wrenching anticipation while showering, dressing up, eating their dinner, and waiting in Manila's traffic. So it's forgiveable if they took their time to breathe in, breathe out, count 3, 2, 1, before stepping out of their vehicles.

2. They're almost always not alone.

Just like fearful freshmen in college campuses who walk in groups, first-timers also enter the bar in droves. It can be a group of thirty-something gal pals for a night out, or a barkading of gay friends on an adventure. Those who go alone or in pairs are exceptions -- matronas usually have an alalay, and old gay men are too discreet to bring someone along. And always, these first-timers walk hand-in-hand, as if one of them would get lost inside the dark cavernous gay bar. Some of these groups have a leader, the one who had previous experience or who did the most research, and that person is usually easy to spot in a crowd of anxious, jittery freshmen. 

3. They're hesitant to look at the stage, though you know they want to

The stage is the first thing they'd look for upon entering the bar, to quickly satisfy their life-long curiosity once and for all. Once they've spotted it, their eyes avoid the stage when walking from the entrance to their table. And their eyes seem stuck on the bar menu while choosing for a drink. They'd also avoid looking directly at the macho dancer's eyes -- once his eyes meet theirs, these customers instantly look away or look down. When an all-the-way man reveals his wares, the girls, especially, cover their eyes with their hands, but peek through once in a while. As if watching Shake, Rattle, and Roll Part XV.

4. Juice or Light Beer

Pa-virge girls (Maria Clara, innocent, conservative types) order a glass of juice. The more liberated ones and the gay men order light beer -- an instant answer to the waiter's question just to drive him away quickly. They'd reserve ordering the mixed drinks and cocktails for upscale clubs or the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th visit to the gay bar. Maybe they're just afraid that they might run out of cash with the more expensive drinks. But, juice? Even my mom orders a margarita every time she's in a bar. I'm not sure if it's the same in a gay bar though.

5. Shaky hands when drinking

Even with a cool and collected body position, the newbie's hands don't lie, it seems. They'll take frequent sips of their juice or light beer, to sort of calm their nerves. But while holding their glasses or straws to their lips, their nervousness will always show. The involuntary pasma movement of their hands even worsens when a dancer on-stage looks at them while dancing, or when they're deciding which among the dancers they'd choose to table.

6. Constant texting or whispering with frequent glances on the stage

And all other forms of communication to their friends inside the bar or at the outside world. They're like high school girls exchanging notes about a secret crush they have. Or like reporters giving minute-by-minute txt updates about a worldwide phenomena to their curious pals left at home. I know this is life-changing, but focus, please, focus.

7. Too quiet OR too noisy (giggling and screaming)

Seated on their couches or monobloc chairs, these newbies are either too shocked to say anything or too amused with all the half-naked men. Especially when an all-the-way man shows off his dick, the first-timer stiffens up with eyes and mouths wide open. Getting ready to take it in, perhaps? Or the newbie giggles with a covered mouth, points to the hard cock, and screams with delight (or fear) as if they haven't seen a guy's peepee before. Okay, maybe they haven't, that's why they went to a gay bar to devirginize at least their eyes. But, dears, calm down. Excessive giggling and pointing is offending, as what the performers told me. You might scare the little birdies away.

8. Takes forever before tabling

First they are undecided if they would or won't get a guy to table with them. Second, they are confused which among the guys in the bar they'd ask to sit with them. Next, they are rattled what to do or what to say when a guy finally sits with them. Finally, they are unsure if they brought enough cash with them. So in their minds, they're contemplating of not tabling now and instead, planning for their next visit already.

9. Stiff when conversing

If they do decide to get a guy, they act stiff and awkward once the guy sits with them. A few minutes of not knowing what to do or say would be fine. But sometimes, the new customer acts as all too formal and proper, and somewhat too uncomfortable as if he / she does not want to talk with the guy. Ladies and gay, come on! As the credit card ad goes, "Sayang ang miles!"

10. Tip?

To tip or not to tip is often the question in their minds. How much to tip and who among the people they encountered to tip? Of course, no one wants to be seen too cheap or muraot, but not too loaded for the bar to think of asking for more. So either they leave too much on the table or too few with the macho dancer. Thinking about it, even I as a regular GB goer don't know if the tips I give are the proper amount.


Conclusion:
I too started out as a virgin gay bar goer. I remember being all too-quiet and stiff during my first visit, even if I was trying to exude an aura of confidence and experience. I didn't want to show that I was new in their scene, naive and gullible.

The guys working in these bars have an innate sense of reading people -- the fact that they encounter various people with different personality types every night. They can even smell what your intentions are when going to their bar. So I was amazed how some of my now-friends in the bar remember how I acted during my first visit -- it was so different compared to my more relaxed, fun-attitute when I visit them in their bars now.

So if there's a word of advice for these young freshly-experienced gay bar goers, it's "relax!" No need for nervousness or awkwardness. No need to announce to the world with grandiose displays of "hey it's my first time in the bar. Wow, look at this, look at that, look at me!" All of us are in the bar for a chill, good time. So just enjoy it!  

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com