Monday, February 14, 2011

...Where The Boys Are!

(a personal Valentine's Day post)

"Saan ka pupunta? (Where are you going?)" asked by one beautician to his bride-to-be client in a scene in one of the gayest local films in 2010, Here Comes the Bride.

"Eh di sa beach (To the beach)... Where the boys are!" exclaimed by his gay co-beautician, who was magically trapped inside the body of the bride-to-be, played by Angelica Panganiban.

In the last 7 days, I've been hopping around the gay bars AND gay clubs of Metro Manila. Kingdom Come and Bed Club Malate in one night. Returned to Kingdom Come on another night. Home Base and O Bar Ortigas two nights after. Then returned to O Bar Ortigas last night.

These places were packed on those nights. Lonely gays, both old and young, in either the gay bar or the gay club. Some mature women in the macho bars. They may be looking for their last minute Valentine's date. Just how malls are packed a few days before Christmas.

As for me, my real reason to spend four nights inside gay-oriented bars: all in the search of boys.

My realization from all these. After the jump:

I admit of being too boy crazy, especially the past year. My world has revolved too much around them -- boylets, macho dancing boys, boys next door, boyish colleagues, gay boys, and sha sha (massage) boys.

In the span of a year, I've met around twenty-plus macho dancers and hostos [35 as of June 12, 2011], around ten shasha boys, and maybe ten gay boys as well. In that same time, I've given so much of myself for them -- the total amount spent on entrance fees and bottles of beers, the amount of cash given as tips, the total time texting and waiting for replies, the liters of gas when driving to different parts of Metro Manila at the oddest hours, the amount of effort trying to think what to talk about, the liters of adrenalin pumped by my body everytime I park my car, step into a bar or club or spa, and be "aroused" by the selection of boys available.

All these effort for what?

To get to know a boy, and be open with the possibility of plain friendship, or a whirlwind relationship, or a long-term romance with all its benefits, or maybe, just plain sex.

But the most ironice of all, given all the boys I've gotten to know, tabled, considered, fell in love with, and gotten intimate with the past year, I ended up single and date-less this Valentine's Day.

What happened along the way?

My so-called significant relationships with a macho dancer and two hostos last year ended after a few months these started. My trysts with shasha boys were just... trysts; I never saw potential in anyone working in those spas to be my lovers. My short flirts with gay boys in clubs ended up, if not in bed, nowhere. My weekly encounters with various macho dancers I've tabled never got me truly satisfied; I never felt the "spark" and always rationalized about their physical or personality flaws. My pursuers either had hidden motives or hidden beauty (hindi makita ang kaguwapuhan). My finally-this-is-THE-guy guys made me feel like "I am the only [person] in the world" while in the bar, but forgot about me once the sun rose outside (I am still waiting for their replies). My McDreamy turned out to be McNasty. My last prospect in Home Base two nights ago chose my fag hag girl friend over me.

(Learning for gays: Never go to a gay bar and share a macho dancer with your lady best friend. Even if he is officially tabled with you, the macho dancer ends up paying attention to her more and eventually liking her more than you. Ouch. But what do you expect? They'll never marry you anyway.)

All those boys for nothing this supposed Day of Hearts.

And that may be the reason why the gay beautician-cum-"image stylist" in the local movie was so thankful to receive the face, the body, and the pechay of the young bride-to-be. He wanted certainty -- that he would get some boy, or any boy, as a full woman, without having to give as much effort as he would being a parlorista gay guy. Knowing this, at the instance his soul switched to the sexy woman's body, the first place he headed for was the beach... where the (hunky half-naked and possibly horny) boys are!

Maybe I'm searching for possible relationships and potential boys to love in the wrong places. Maybe I'm in the right place, but for the wrong reasons. I might have over-exceeded my expectations for a gay bar (or even gay club), to find the next "the one" there. I am sure that the gay guys at the next table or the mature women at the far end of the bar have exactly the same thing in mind.

Sure, these gay bars sell entertainment. They sell private, intimate conversations with the boys of your type. They sell one-night companionships for the lonely. Some might sell sex under-the-table. But it may be the customer's fault already, if he or she expects romantic relationships to come attached with the goods these bars are selling. Good for the business. Bad for the stupidly in-love customer.

I guess I would never be this emotional if I never expected too much in the first place.

A lesson perhaps. Never fall for the guys in these bars.

But I couldn't help it. Just imagine: All the years of loneliness as a gay guy or woman are maginfied when you're seated alone in the gay bar and seeing the boy of your type and knowing you have the means and opportunity to spend time with him. Just the two of you. And doing it all over again, thinking that this may lead to something more...

This is perhaps what "playing with my heart" means. It feels so good when you're high in love in the heavens. When the feeling's crashing, you move on and look for that same high with another boy in another bar. If it reaches hell, you suffer in self-pity and drink yourself to death, where else, in a gay bar or club. The cycle repeats all over again.

It's tiring. It's bad for the heart. And the liver. Plus, it's so damn expensive.

We all move on. Valentine's will end in 24 hours. This feeling too will pass. I may move on to another boy, in another bar. I may put this craziness, and my wallet, to rest, temporarily. But if ever I need to look for fun time with boys again (like, next week?), I already know where to go:

"To the gay bar... where the boys are!"

To you, reading my blog, Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you won't be as lonely tonight. There are lots of boys at the beach (just as there are fish in the sea). Someone, somewhere out there, is the right guy for the fabulous you. - GB Goer

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila



  1. I separate love and sex, better for my wallet and my sanity

  2. HI Skewed. Yes. True somewhat for me. Sex I look for in the spas. Friendship turned to the possibility of love (with free sex), I look for in the gay bar (not the seedy ones). BUT, it's just so damn expensive. As how the economist-writer Dan Ariely quoted Woody Allen, "The most expensive sex is free sex."

  3. Gurl just an advise, I don't want to sound like I am pretending or a hypocrite but as PLU, alam ko na alam mo na dapat i-expect jan... We cannot really hope, or least to say, expect that we will find love or even a "real" relationship in a place like that. Even gay-friendly bars or libraries (i love books kz) have little chances of finding intimate romances....

    Hahaha! Now ko lang nabasa tong post na to about the dreaded V-day... Just enjoy what you have right now- friends, career, family, pets, hobbies, collections, academe, books, the arts, cooking, etc at kahit anu pa ang trip mo...

    I am already 26 and one thing that I realized in life is that, those memories that really brings us joy are those that we never expect to have or those that we neglected before... Appreciate the small things so God will bless us with bigger things... Meron din para sa tin gurl... don't worry... smile na... Don't let this stereotypical world bring us frown... Kaya nga we love the rainbow e... Cause we don't settle just for one shade of hue :-)

  4. @men_wisher gurl, salamat sa advice! tagal na nitong post na ito. marami pa nga ako na-experience after february. i guess i have learned and moved on already from the sentiments in this post. but, again, salamat!


Feel free to share what you think