Sunday, April 24, 2011

Our Double Lives: Part 1

(a personal, reflective post)

I live a double life.

The first is filled with eighty emails a day, cellphone calls from colleagues, powerpoint presentations, sales figures, and the daydream of a future promotion. It is a life where the oblivious aunt asks during another Easter holiday reunion of your conservative family who your girlfriend is and when you plan to get married, despite the fact that you have been gay and in the closet since you were born. It is a life that gets bored by the routine stories of college friends about who transferred to which company or who got happily engaged to her boyfriend of 6 years or who has the update on the latest episode of some juvenile TV show from the US. It is a life which eagerly awaits for the Zara sale, even if you've allocated your salary for the latest Apple gadget or the next condo payment. 

It is a life that funds and pays for the other life.

The other one is filled with text messages of "muzta" or "miz na u", sometimes ending with "jejeje," which you don't get in your first life. It is a life that starts around midnight, with a call from your gal or gay pals, that sort of casts a spell, and transforms your group into mad creatures of the night. It is a life that usually wonders if the bar has newbie talents since you last came, or if the dimpled shy-type guy you've tabled previously is still available that night, or if the hunky half-nude guy you've been eyeing for two weeks is worthy of being "tabled." It is a life that makes you empathic about reaching the sales quota of MD drinks despite a slow week, buying a new attire for the big night event that coming weekend, and calculating if the past week's P500 tip can pay off one's rent or electricity bills. 

It is a life that comes alive at night when the other retires for the day.

And this second life is in a world that's also shared by similar second lives of the others in it.

This world permits gay office workers or businessmen to live out a fantasy of seeing some live nude men dancing in front of him. This world can make a reserved mother live out her queenly gay side amidst boys and other queens. It allows a Koreana matrona to spend time with her boytoy without her husband in her home country knowing. It can even give a bride-to-be her so-called last taste of freedom with other hunky men before being tied down to the man of her dreams.

But, it is not just us, the customers, with seemingly second lives.

(to be continued...)

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila



  1. hmm, nice post , i can definitely relate to what you are saying, so , can you please help me and recommend some gay bars with naked men strutting around? basta walang raid hehe, also , are you just into watching guys? puro table lang ?


  2. We, being those in the LGBT community, all go through our "double life" phase/s - a natural consequence of how society tends to view us, I suppose. It's always interesting to see how different people manage the delicate balance between these roles, although it's never quite as interesting as finding out how one breaks out of the trap eventually, if at all.

  3. Wow. You got me. I love the way you present your thoughts online, in a blog like this. I'm a certified fan :)

  4. Hi marvin, I emailed you already. Check out my replies. =)

  5. Hi Rocky. I've been living double lives at different phases of my life. There was a time in my early 20s when I used to frequent gay clubs a lot (ie. Government), which was kept hidden from my officemates and family. They knew I was going to a club, but they didnt know exactly where. Then this, which I think is more risky, given the stigma around macho dancing bars. Who knew this goody-two-shoes would be a macho dancer fanatic?

  6. Hi Elmer, thanks for the very kind words. It's also inspiring to get comments like yours.


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