Gay Bar Advice: Just Say No

"Natatakot akong magpunta sa gay bar kasi hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko sa loob. Lalo na't kung may hingiin sa akin at hindi ko alam kung paano ako tatanggi. (I am afraid in going to the gay bar because I don't know what to do inside. Especially if something is asked from me and I wouldn't know how to refuse). " 

"Minsan nagpunta ako sa gay bar, at napilitan ako magbigay kasi nahihiya akong magsabi na ayaw ko yun, hindi ko gusto yun. (Once in the gay bar, I was forced into something because I was too reluctant to say that I really didn't want that)."

When I read revelations like these from email senders, I can sense their worries in going to the gay bar. These can be money matters: worried about not having enough money or worried about losing all your money to one guy (parang lang casino, but isn't love just one big gamble? chos). It can also be guy matters: worried about choosing the wrong guy or worried about being thrown out the bar for not tabling a guy (no, this does not happen).  

I started going to the gay bars with the same feeling of being not in control. A stranger would approach me inside the dark bar, and I wouldn't know what to do. As I wonder what the proper response should be in certain situations, I worried I couldn't refuse anything this stranger would offer. Thus, I would always just say yes with anything they pushed me. Looking back, the fear I felt back was actually coming from a feeling of powerlessness.

But a gay bar goer shouldn't feel powerless. On the contrary, he or she has power of what would happen in the bar. It includes the power to say No.

For illustration purpose only, and not misheard lyrics.

So all you single ladies (and bekis), here are some examples of when to decline offers and tips on how to say it.

Read more:

Top Stares of Macho Dancers in Gay Bars

Much have been said about the eye contact among gays. Like what I read from Simply Manila way back, on how to get someone's attention by making eye contact. Or how to spot gays or bisexuals from Manila Gay Guy, just by the so-called "deep eye contact." It happens quite a lot in gay clubs, where almost everyone in the club tries to look for their next trick just by staring, and hoping that their prospect stares back.  

Then there is the macho dancing gay bar. A feast for the gay guy's eyes. Where it's not illegal or shameful to stare at half-naked torsos or semi-erect bulges or full-frontal nudity. 

But what if the macho dancer looks back? He sees you looking at him as you try to undress him even more or imagine him how he looks like in bed, just with your eyes. His eyes lock in and focus on you. Exciting? Just like in your favorite cum shot where the actor looks lustfully into the camera after a big load. 

In the gay bar, we do get a lot of stares from macho dancers, mostly from those we do not know or got to know once before. It's not just limited to the seductive looks they give on-stage. It can be a simple "can you see me" look that they give when they're waiting at the far end of the bar as you're in your table and trying to see at the distance who among the macho dancers are available to be "tabled" beside you. 

And when they catch you staring, with their penetrating eyes, these men look back with a lingering stare, seeming as if they want to devour you as their next victim that night or so forth. Sounds familiar, especially with this weekend's fright night theme?

Thus, for this blog post, I am compiling the top stares and looks that gay bar customers can get inside the gay bar at night. And In keeping with the Halloween theme, I decided to depict these various looks using photos of whom I think are the best at that lingering stare: vampires. Or at least, the handsome actors who are part of vampire TV shows or movies, particularly the more recent ones which are growing in popularity.   

So, to show you how a macho dancer can look at you inside the gay bar at night, I present the various vampires of recent TV shows or movies:

Songs in a Gay Bar: Pinoy Band Love Songs

Last weekend, I decided to forego my usual gay-bar going night out and do something more wholesome with my ex-gaybar-going friend, Mary. No, we didn't go to church and confessed one year of lusting after various macho dancers. And if we did, what if the priest instructed me for my penance to pray one Hail Mary for each macho dancer I've tabled? In that case, I would have finished an entire rosary... wait, hindi pa pala aabot.

So we went videoke-singing, and not in those KTVs where customers can also get hostesses to join them in their group. 

In the middle of our singing session, I got surprised about myself when I tried to remember the title of one particular song I wanted to sing. I knew who the singer was, but I couldn't recall any of the song's phrases nor its melody. So I texted a friend for a favor: 

"Rico*, favor. Pwedeng paki hanap yung isang kanta ni Eric Santos? First single nya ata. Kung hindi mo makita, punta ka sa blog ko. Nandoon sa post abt OPM Love Songs (Can you search for this song by Erik Santos? It was one of his first singles. If you can't find it, go to my blog, then look at the post about OPM Love Songs)."  

It seemed to be a silly favor at first. But that was when I realized, shucks, why did I want to sing something that I heard in a gay bar. After going through the repertoire of songs we played in the videoke place, I also realized that a lot of those songs we chose are those we heard in the gay bar. Kahit wala na kami sa gay bar, mga kanta pa rin ng gay bar ang naririnig (at kinakanta) namin.

Songs in a Gay Bar: OPM Male Love Songs

Oh, to fall in love, and sing a ballad about it. Oh, to fall in love, and weep in the rain while hearing a ballad about it. Oh, to fall in love... and lust on a macho dancer at the same time. Sigh.

I've written two posts previously about the songs that are typically played in the macho dancing gay bars. The first was about the Power Ballads of foreign rock bands popular in the 90s, while the second was about the R&B slow songs whose ultimate goal is to seduce [that post now updated with a song I forgot to add]. This is now the third of such series of posts. 

This time, it's all about OPM: Original Pilipino/Pinoy Music. And senti love songs at that.

I've noticed that the OPM songs these men dance to is sung by male artists. But no, these are not the songs of Yoyoy Villame, Freddie Aguilar, or Diomedes Maturan (Duh, he's only THE "Perry Como of the Philippines"). These are by contemporary male singers, whose love songs have ranked high in the local masa airwaves the past years.  

Because the macho dance is a slow routine whose primary objective is really to seduce, a love song or romantic ballad is fit to dance along to. And as mentioned in previous posts, these macho dancers usually choose songs they are familiar with. Since they are mostly surrounded by local radio stations, local TV stations, and local music video shows (like myx), of course, top song choices would also be local. Good thing all the local record companies packaged their male singers (most of whom won talent searches) as balladeers and released romantic ballads from these young men. Without their songs, can you imagine a hunky male stripper dancing along "Sayaw Kikay" by the Viva Hotbabes (La la la la laahhh.... Ay, kikay!) ?

So here are the most frequently heard OPM Love Songs from contemporary male solo artists that's heard inside a gay bar. Imagine being serenaded by the hunky dancer with a smooth manly voice singing a heartfelt song of undying love and devotion. I also noticed a common theme among them, which I will mention after the list below. Click "play" to listen to the song, and be reminded of its message.     

Sources of a Macho Dancer's Name

Just a fictional book, of course

There's a little game to find out your screen name when you become a porn star, aka porn star name. It says to use your first name's pet and the name of the first street you lived on. Another variation is to use your middle name and again, the first street's name. So a porn star named "Doug Pennylane" may have had a dog named Doug (how creative) when he was six and lived on Pennylane Street.

Unknown by many gay bar goers, macho dancers in Manila also have screen names. Do you expect that a dancer named "Rayver" is actually using his real name printed on his birth certificate? Rayver Cruz, maybe yes. But the real world could be harsh to these men, thereby protecting at least their real identities with a stage name.

So where or how do these macho dancers get their names? Definitely not their nicknames called by their mommies at home, like "Boy" or "Goyong" or "Dong." And getting one is not as difficult as generating a porn star's name. Here are the common sources:

The Signature Macho Dance Moves

The routine: A macho dancer enters from the back stage as the DJ introduces him. The dancer, in his sando or just in his tight boxer briefs, goes center-stage.

His first move is a typical one -- his thumbs are first tucked into his underwear. As his body sways slowly from left to right, his clenched left hand moves to cover his right shoulder. Then he brings down his left hand, his body sways to the other way, and his right hand moves to the left shoulder.

With both hands, he reaches for the top of his head, running his fingers through his hair. He lunges his chest forward then pulls back, making a seductive S-like wavy movement.

Then, wherever he goes next -- to the left, to the right, down to the ground, turn around -- is part of the over-all usual routine, which for a regular gay bar customer, can get a bit predictable.  

To break off from this routine, some experienced macho dancers infuse some unique steps in their dance. These "signature dance moves" are the dancers' own interpretation of acting sexy, or seducing potential customers, or mimicking bed-time action. Because of their uniqueness, these steps are branded as the dancer's, in the hopes of making them rise above the other regular dancers, and be memorable to the customer.

Here are some of the dance moves associated to certain macho dancers in the gay bars I go to. As I can't take pictures inside these gay bars, I've searched the internet for the closest interpretation. Almost all pics here are nude to semi-nude, so please take note that most men do these moves while wearing their underwear or short shorts, and NOT in the nude.

Continue after the jump:

Note: Some photos are NSFW (not safe for work).

Signs of a Virgin Gay Bar Goer

The macho dancing gay bar scene is full of various customers. There are the mature gays who are either pot-bellied beer-drinking discreet-looking ones or the effeminate next-to-parloristas out their for their next boylet. There are the matronas, or mature women in their mid-40s above, more popularly known now as "cougars", who want to divert their attention (and money) to their hottest young thing. There are also hostesses and GROs working from the girlie bars in the vicinity, looking for a relaxing good time.

And all of them started out as a newbie gay bar goer.

The newbie gay bar goers nowadays look the same -- groups of women or gays in their 20s to 30s. As a regular patron of gay bars, with the help of the tranny performers and other macho dancers, I now find it easy to spot these neophytes inside the bar. They have no experience in any macho dancing gay bar in any city. That's why they all act similarly, whatever gender or age range they may be.

So to spot these virgin gay bar goers inside a gay bar, here are the top ten signs (and see if they hold true for you):

Reasons Why Your Macho Dancer is Absent At Work

In light of my going to Kingdom Come two nights ago, and not seeing Stewart there, even if he knew I was going to the bar this week...

Scenario: It's your second or third time going to this gay bar. A few weeks ago on your first visit, you  tabled this particular macho dancer. He looks like he can pass as a local reality show celebrity, has a lean figure, tall, in his early-to-mid 20s, charming, and courteous. You were looking forward to spend intimate time with him in this bar, as you had imagined just hours before during dinner. So you enter into the bar, and after a few minutes chatting with the gay floor manager, you found out from her, voila...

He did not show up for work.

To name the ten most common reasons (real ones or fabricated) why he was not present at work that night*, in random order, after the jump:

*Note: This assumes he is coming back to work, maybe the next day or the next week, and does not assume he has left the bar or resigned already.

Macho Dancer and Hosto Typology

This time last year, when I haven’t had any experience inside a macho dancing bar or gay bar, I had a chat with a gay former officemate. The topic was about gay bars, and I asked if he had been inside one before. He then shared his mostly-exaggerated experiences. But what interested me most were the different types of guys one could find inside these bars.

“You have lots to choose from. Whatever your type is – boy next door, athletic, tall, etc” was his line. I got intrigued to find out more with his quite generic descriptions of these boys.

Now, based on my personal observations of going to gay bars, here are the top 10 most common types of macho dancers or hostos, based on their physical attributes, working in a gay bar:

1. Masculado (Muscle Man)

This is obvious. Why call a bar a “macho dancer bar” if no dancer is at least muscular? Bulging biceps, broad shoulders, well-toned back, 8-pack abs (whew!). They’re blessed with Adonis-like bodies, but not all are blessed with looks. Pati mukha matigas din (Even the face looks hard).  

Synonym: “Er” types, ie. Constuction Work-er

2. Actor look-alike

Their claim to fame is that they resemble someone famous in the local celebrity scene.  Gerald Anderson with the crooked smile of William Martinez. James Yap with bigger nose and wider eyes. Aljur Abrenica with a more-wooden machete face. Hayden Kho with a face lift gone wrong. Roderick Paulate with a muscular build. Oops.

3. “Junjunin”

The name “Junjun” is a common Filipino boy’s nick name, like Nene for girls. A “Junjunin” is the dark slim skinny 18 to 22 year old, who looks too young to be working as a macho dancer. You might mistake him for your neighboor’s teenage child who was instructed to buy vinegar from the nearest sari-sari store, but never came back home, to earn money as a hosto.

4. Korean pop star wannabe

You’ll notice this one as he automatically stands out. He transformed himself to appeal to the filthy rich Korean woman. He looks like he came out of a Korean teen pop fashion magazine – large hair, with long strands dyed blonde. And he dances on-stage to K-pop. It’s obvious who the boy, and the bar, want to extort money from. See related post about Koreanas.

5. The Boylet Next Door

My favorite. Especially chinitos (1st) and mestizos (2nd). You can choose from this wide spectrum of endearing guys -- either the clean-cut gentleman, or the pilyo kid (mischievous kid), or the college-aged out-of-school youth, or the undiscovered next matinee idol. But take this advice – Humanda ka. Marami kang kaagaw! Mahirap kalaban ang bading, lalo na mga tandercats!  (Be prepared. Competition is fierce. Gays, especially old ones, are tough to compete with).

6. “Mama sa Kanto” (Man from the Street Corner)

You’d wonder why the bar hired this guy. Was the bar too desperate to hire anyone, just anyone, from the streets? Fine, he may have the body, but please, the fez (face)! And the guy may be obliging – he gets paid to drink free booze in the bar. At least the bar offers some service to the neighborhood – more jobs, less crime. (Shet, ang sama ko!)

7. Shampoo Commercial boy

Just because of his perfect, long, black shiny hair. Shinampoo lang daw yan. Of course, there are guys which look like the “Before” shot, while the younger ones look like the “After.” I still wonder how shoulder-length hair on a guy can look appealing. Spill-over of the 80s-90s popular look, perhaps.

8. Angas boy (Tough Boy)

Shaved head. Tattooed. Pierced. With or without a goatee. He dances with his dagger eyes looking sharply at you. Either he wants to f*ck the hell out of you on your bed tonight… or make you the following day’s tabloid headlines (Bading, pinatay ng macho dancer). Still, bad boys do have their appeal. Ask Mariel. Or my friend, Mary.

9. Higantes (Giants)

Those 5 foot 10 and above, towering over the Junjunins and the Boylets-Next-Door. Most of them don’t wear boots anymore, as the heeled footwear will give them more unneeded height. I find them both impressive and terrifying at the same time. Just like a gi-normous d*ck about to enter you.

10. Golden Guy

Golden Guy, in homage to the Golden Girls or Home of the Golden Gays. When you look at this guy, you’ll think “Dude, ilang taon ka na nagtatrabaho dito? (How many years have you been working here)” His looks reveal the years he’s been working in the bar – the gut from all the beer, the muscular frame that’s now under layers of fat, the obvious wrinkles on his face and the hairline that’s already receding. All these at the ripe senior age of 30.

Of course, there are the other rarities – those types that are too few to be classified into their own groups. Some examples are the Amboys (Fil-Am boys), the Pasan Ko Ang Mundo boy (emo boy with long bangs hiding his eyes), and the occassional obviously promdi (from the province). Those not classified under the types above are just your regular-looking not-outstanding Pinoy guys whom you can easily find in a mall on a weekend.    

There are also overlaps, with the most common as boylets next door who can also fall under masculados, or a Golden guy higante with long silky smooth hair (I am thinking of one now, who I heard used to work for the now-closed Valentino).

I didn't know way back that there was this huge spectrum of boys to choose from. All along I thought all macho dancers or hostos were one and the same -- good-looking dark-skinned muscled men. I shouldn't have believed all the gay-themed movies I've seen in the 90s. Wait, there was just one.

If you have experiences with any of these kids, boys, guys, men, feel free to share and comment. If not, why not take a trip to your friendly neighborhood gay bar, and take a pic, errr, pick from one of these boys?

Enjoy! Skemper na!

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

Reasons Why He Didn't Reply

To name the most common reasons why a macho dancer or hosto didn't reply to your text message (or didn't text at all):

In light of Stewart's very late reply a full day and night (24+ hours) after our supposed meet-up

1. Nawalan ng load - TOP reason and easiest justification of not texting you back

    > Making you think twice if you want to send him some load... or a ploy to make you send him some

    > Caution though, sending him some load might backlash if you expect that he use the load you sent him just for you. He still has friends and family to text also, remember.

2. Na-low bat ako / Naka-patay ang phone / Charging - It's not my fault; it's the phone's fault!

    a. Variation 1: Sira ang phone / Luma na ang phone

    > Well, most will tell you honestly about the state of their phones. But take care. Sometimes this is a ploy to buy him a brand new phone, preferrably an iPhone or BB or any new smart phone in the market.

    b. Variation 2: Sinangla ang phone

    > I never knew that pawnshops accepted cellphones already (since late 90s pa ba?). Well, I've seen 2nd hand cellphones being sold, but not pawned. As per the boys who've actually pawned their phones, oftentimes, they just let go of their quite expensive phones in the pawnshop, hoping to receive a new one (from you or another guest). But, they eventually buy a cheaper model (from their earnings, or from poor you who was sympathetic enough to give him enough money to buy back the expensive phone but traded for a cheaper one).

3. Sori tulog pa / Nakatulog ako kagabi - Don't you know my sched?

    > Especially if you text him between 9am and 5pm. You naman kasi, you know naman their night shift schedule diba, so what do you expect.

   > Doubt though if he replies with this message the next morning. Again, you have an idea of their schedule and your boy's general sleeping-waking patterns.

4. Nagbibihis / Nagpa-plantsa ng buhok - I need to look good, that's why you like me. 

    > Looking good is important in this industry. You'll usually receive this after their call time of 9-10pm. But if he replies at 1am with this message, you need to think twice if he's telling you the truth. Unless he is THAT vain.

    a. Variation: Kumain muna.

    > He's usually honest about this, especially if the lag period is about 30 minutes to an hour. He'll even follow up with "ikaw, kumain na ba?" Sweet, I know.

5. Sumasayaw or Rumampa kanina (and replies a few hours after with: "kakatapos ko lang sumayaw")

   > One of the more honest replies from him. Especially if sent between 11-12 midnight, or at about 2-4 am.

6. Naka-table ako / May guest ako na dumating - I am at work. Busy. Focused. Just like you at work.

   > One of the more honest replies from him. Especially if sent between 1-4 am. As a guest, you don't want your tabled macho dancer or hosto to be texting while you are there. That's why most keep their phones hidden -- in their boots, at the side of their boxer shorts, pants, or with the wardrobe personnel.

  > If you're not the understanding type (ie. selosa/seloso), you'll be in endless discussion with him on the type of work that he is in, and that you, of all people, should understand it. So the next time you ask, he might just lie to you instead of telling you that he was tabled by a customer that time

7. May sakit ako kaya hindi naka-reply

   > Give him the benefit of the doubt. He might not have any load at that time and was not well enough to get out of bed to the nearest sari-sari store to purchase some load. Of course, he won't explain it to you that way. But when you get sick, isn't it easy enough to at least inform the other party of your slight fever, to quell any of their worries (assuming you have load)?

8. Bumabiyahe pa / Nasa jeep or bus or FX or LRT ako -- Don't text me when I am in transit, for many reasons...

   > Their reasons: Phone might get stolen if I use it while in transit. Or I didn't hear the message tone. Or I was asleep while commuting. Or I can't reply when another guest of mine is bringing me to work in his/her car (of course, they won't say that to you).

9. Busy / May pinuntahan / Nag gym ako -- I have errands too, you know.

   > If you probe him further on this one, he'll either blast you with a litany on what happened to him that day (honest or fabricated, seeking empathy or simply ranting) or just shut you out with a "basta."

10. Other absurd reason he'll give to make you feel he hasn't forgetten you (or hasn't flirted with some other guest)

    > Combination of three or more reasons mentioned above - Sure, give him the benefit of the doubt.    

    > Kinagat ng daga, kaya nag punta sa ospital at etc etc -- a private joke among my friends, as replied by one of the boys. But, as absurd as it sounds, really? Ouch!

    > Nabasa ang phone -- Did the guys go swimming between last night we met and this morning?

    > Nakipagkita sa kapatid / tito / pinsan / barkada / (insert relative's or friend's name) - Even if it took the entire day or night or weekend for him to reply, he will never mention that it was another guest he met up with.

But remember Occum's Razor. Loosely summarized, "The simplest answer is usually the correct answer."

Guess which one was Stewart's reply to me.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com 
Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

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