Saturday, November 5, 2011

A Gay Bar Goer's Hiatus

Hiatus [ha-yay-tus]: a pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process (New Oxford American Dictionary) 

"Titigil muna ako sa pagpunta sa gay bar (I'll stop going to the gay bar for a while)," I texted my gay bar going friends, Mary and Ringo. 

It was around this time last year, first week of November. It wasn't the first time I told someone that I'd take a break from something I loved doing for the past year. Three months prior, I told my regular macho dancer that I'd stop going to his gay bar. 

"Bakit naman? (Why?)," my partner macho dancer asked me. 

"Paalis-alis ako ng bansa. Mahihirapan akong magpunta nang madalas (I'd be flying in and out of the country. It would be difficult for me to keep going to the bar)" was my alibi. 

"Pero magkikita naman tayo? (But we'll still see each other?)" 

"Oo, pero sa labas lang ng bar. (Yes, but outside)."

I didn't want to tell him that going to the gay bar was draining on my finances. I didn't want to admit that supporting him in his bar was getting more difficult, especially after volunteering to give him a monthly allowance. I was stupidly in-love then, and I thought that the only thing that would make him love me back was that "support."

With him, I was tired financially, and I wanted to stop. As weeks went by, I eventually "broke up" with him, citing difficulties in keeping up with the relationship. It was a good, clean break up from the relationship and the support. What I didn't admit that I was going to another gay bar with my friends, and I wanted to spend more time, and more money, in that bar.

I eventually found a new guy in that new bar. I fell very much in love with the hosto "Air", who  eventually left me for another bar girl (and whom I have written much about in previous posts). Because I was still emotionally involved with him despite not being financially involved, as learning from my previous relationship, we had a very bad break up around end-October. 

That was when I texted my gay bar going friends, Mary and Ringo, that I'd stop going to the gay bars.  Just like my previous MD partner, they also asked why.

Lots of reasons are given by regular gay bar goers why they'd temporarily stop going to the bar. Working abroad is one. Being busy with work is another, more frequent response. Finding another gay bar or another macho dancer is another reason, which these gay bar goers don't usually admit. Or just like my friend Mary nowadays, they enjoyed living the "normal" non-gay bar centered life again. 

But for me, I was just tired. Both financially and emotionally. 

I stopped to focus on my work, which I had neglected a bit, months prior. I stopped because I wanted to re-earn the money that I seemingly lost for months already. I stopped because I wanted to let my heart rest, after the roller coaster of emotions felt for these men. 

And so, for a month, my weekend nights were only spent at home or at other more wholesome gimmicks. I stopped receiving the frequent "good am, pauwi na ako" or "good pm, kakagising ko lang" text messages. I enjoyed shopping for myself, which I haven't done for ages since I started going to the bar. I even texted Mary back then when I was in Singapore that it felt so liberating to go back to Manila without thinking of what pasalubong to bring home to a guy.  

Pero, hindi nagtagal...

Before that month ended, my gay friends, Mary and Ringo wanted to see another gay bar which we haven't visited before. Of course, not having been inside that bar, I was also very much curious. At least it was another new experience for all of us. 

For me, it was a perfect time to restart, in a completely new setting, with a completely new set of boys. Malay mo, I was thinking that I would meet that perfect macho dancer this time who would not tire me financially or emotionally. Physically tire me? Pwede!

And from then on, my November hiatus ended. I continued going to that bar even further, without thinking much if I'd tire eventually of throwing away money to a guy I fell head over heels for. To keep myself from doing so, however, at the start of my return, I decided not to get too much involved with these guys already. 

Gay bar goers undergo their own hiatus in their lifetime. My friend Ringo is currently on his 3rd or 4th hiatus since he started going to the gay bar last year; his reasons are all shallow (kidding, Ringo). My friend Mary has stopped going to gay bars altogether for six months already, after a hiatus at the middle of this year. For that, congrats to her for graduating.

As for me, I don't know when my next hiatus will be. I keep telling my friends that I'd slow down para magtipid. Still I eventually find myself visiting our favorite gay bar, weekend after weekend, out of habit (Slow down ba talaga yan? asked usually by Mary). But I strongly feel that my next hiatus will arrive soon. Not because I will get tired like the previous one, but perhaps because I am already getting a bit bored. Just slightly.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
twitter: @gbgoer


  1. Ako I sometimes stop going to MDB to focus on my career and myself pero bumabalik pa din me... There's something in a Macho Dancing Bar that feels so right even for a little while. Pero sana don't let these guys fool you. Mahirap i-mend ang broken heart more than broken bank accounts... :-)

    BTW, I went to Nightmen and WarmBoys on two separate occasions and I was not satisfied. mas maganda pa din tlga sa Prince Galaxy Bar. here is my observation on these two bars:

    NightMen: the space is too small, the boys are not well-built, the sounds system seems like the one from the barrio fiestas and hindi naman ganun kaganda ang parade of notes (size queen kz ako)

    WarmBoys: bigger space than NightMen, more affordable drinks and finger foods, mas mura ang VIP room, mas accommodating ang waiters, dancers and floor managers but lesser boys and limited parade of notes (talo ka din sa size, hehe! )

  2. good job! cge lang, pahinga ka muna..time to reflect! pero sana kahit you re in the hibernation phase, you'll keep us updated pa rin via this blog. :-)

  3. hinay hinay lang kasi...tama o sufficient ng pang-alis ng kati ang once a month least exciting ..di ba?? ginagabi gabi mo yata..magsasawa ka nga..kung minsan minsan lang at least excited ka pagpunta mo..di pa magastos..sayang ang pera..kaya ako pag napunta lang sa manila..mabuti na lang walang gaybar sa province..

  4. Gosh! When I am just about ready to go back in... a couple of birdies (literally, the conio MD, the little black bird, and the gay imper who is on hiatus as well) that my former inamorato is missing-in-action from where he works. Although, I kinda remember that a relative was supposed to be arriving and that he would not be coming to work, I am just not sure for how long... once confirmed that he has gone... heheheheheheheeheh

  5. @men_wisher i love that quote. mas "mahirap i-mend ang broken heart than a broken bank account."

    Nakakatuwa naman that you got an idea which bars NightMen and WarmBoys are. I've never been to Prince Galaxy so I wouldn't have a reference. I thought that the guys from Prince Galaxy would just transfer to these two bars because those bars are nearer. So mukhang hindi?

  6. @josef of course! wala pa naman yung hibernation. so i will still update this blog. i still got a lot of stories to tell.

  7. @kamote hehe no. hindi naman gabi-gabi. only weekend nights. and tama ka, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

  8. @anonymous aka "my friend who refuses to be known"... so game, kelan ka mawawala sa hiatus mo? tonight? hahaha!

  9. Hindi pa rin ako nakakapunta sa gay bar. Waaaaahhhh... kawawa naman ako :(

  10. alam niyo ba parang mahina na mga gay bars ngayon
    siguro yun iba nagtitipid or nagpupunta na lang sa mga massage parlor kesa mag gay bar magastos at maglalaway ka lang saka karamihan sa gay bars babae mga guest konti na lang mag bakla

  11. magkano ba kinikita ng isang macho dancer sa isang buwan?

  12. swertehan lang sa gay bar hindi lahat kumikita n malaki ang sweldo lang ng isang macho dancer 250-300 a day pag na-table my commision sila sa drinks tapos my tip pa depende sa guest pero pahirapan na ngayon kasi masyado madami na macho dancers friday saturday lang daw malakas

  13. anon 11/7/11 @ 6:35PM: karesh, kafatid. i've noticed that too. one quick run through the timog circuit and you will notice tarpoulines announcing that they do not charge entrance fee and stuff. does look like some of these bars are struggling. kasi naman...most of them have stopped being haven for bekis and have become the lair of bargirls and matronas. add to that the preference that their boys have para sa mga keps. aba siempre, i for one, isang dumadagundong na GAHNON??!! o e di diyan kayo sa mga bargirl ninyo magpaluha ng datung. wahahahahahahaha!! stupid. eh, pinapasahan din lang naman yan ng mga D.O.M. nila. wahahahahahaha. at the very least, libre lamas at kangkang ng mga ungas if ever feel nila ang girl. kaya nga, eh di sa mga hostess sila magpaluha ng pambili ng gatas ng anak nila. wahahahahahaha. once the management of these bars get a hold of the attitude that their boys throw at us bekis, then maybe, just maybe, the pink peso would start flowing back in. i 'tabled' this ungas and right away he cautioned me na 'sir, sori ha straight ako eh'. GAHNON??!!meaning...walang landian?? wala lang, ganon? and you expect me to shell out my hard earned rainbow colored peso for you? while at the same time, ginagaha-gahasa ninyo ang mga pokpok customers niyo in front of the entire bar? like some kind of prize to your peers to bolster your masculinity? elow?? gaybar nga davah? ngayon, pag tinanggal ang mga gay sa gaybar, go figure, tindahan na lang kayo ng murang beer. wahahahahahahaha. tunganga na nga lang ang napapala, madami pang bawal, kasi nakakahiya sa ibang dancer. echos. huwell, kung nahihiya talaga kayo, wag kayong magsayaw nang naka-briefs. wahahahahahahaha. bah! humbug!! wahahahahahahaaha.

  14. tama ka alam mo ba sa planet xanadu lagi free entrance uang order two beers lng 200 lagi kasi wala tao karamihan nga mga pokpok na babae ang guest pag kumita na sa club derecho gay bar na sila nakita ko nga mas madami pa babae kesa sa mga bakla kaya lahat ng mga bakla tinatamad na mag gay bar mas epek pa mag dyowa ng tambay kesa macho dancer malinis pa...

  15. hahaha! para naman bubuhayin sila nga mga pokpok galing pera ng mga pokpok sa mga dyowa nila

  16. Kakatawa, naging thread na ito on the prevalence of pok2x. Ang dami nila kanina sa bar na napuntahan ko. Odd lang.

    Keep on posting. Salamat.

  17. Natawa me sa comment ni Anon. hehe! But it really depends on the kind of bar na pinupuntahan mo e. Like what GBG had observed, most of the true "gay"bars are the smaller ones. Try u pumunta sa Aurora and sa Cubao along Stanford street and you might find what you are looking for :-)

    About magjowa ng tamabay??? never tried it. Just too scared so I don't have any plans. haha!

    Nope, apparently hindi sila lumipat sa NightMen or sa WarmBoys. Sad nga e :-(

  18. in fairness, natawa ako dun sa mas epek ang dyowa na tambay. haha. malinis din naman mga macho dancers a... at least yung iba.

  19. galing ako cruizin manila pangit ang show
    ako lang ang bakla puro babae nandun
    ayoko na bumalik dun sayang lang pera take note
    my entrance sila

  20. pero nice ang place ha. if you are into just talk, i think this place would do. if you are into getting revved up, sayang nga ang andalers. nagmumukhang malaswa ang bench shows at cosmo bash sa sobrang kaemyasan ng mga julake ditey. and take note, some of them apparently came from the now-defunct valentino, so it goes without saying, na may attitude ang mga ito. but then again, dahil bakla tayo, we do almost always end up needing to see it for ourselves.

  21. tama ka galing lahat valentino mga dancer dito..
    boring ang show palapak entertainment manager siguro..
    isa lang impersonator nakita ko..
    may mga attitude nga mga dancer dito akala mo kung sinong mga big time nung pumunta ako dito tatlong table lang ang laman ng club maganda ang place malinis..
    mas ok na siguro whitebird kesa dito...

  22. paikot-ikot lang mga macho dancers wag silang umarte dapat masuyo sila sa mga customer nila

  23. nakakatakot pumunta sa cruizin manila na raid daw nung kelan yan my all the way ba dun? bakit na raid? pag na raid ba gay bar kasama ba mga customer?


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