Reasons Why Your Macho Dancer is Absent At Work

In light of my going to Kingdom Come two nights ago, and not seeing Stewart there, even if he knew I was going to the bar this week...

Scenario: It's your second or third time going to this gay bar. A few weeks ago on your first visit, you  tabled this particular macho dancer. He looks like he can pass as a local reality show celebrity, has a lean figure, tall, in his early-to-mid 20s, charming, and courteous. You were looking forward to spend intimate time with him in this bar, as you had imagined just hours before during dinner. So you enter into the bar, and after a few minutes chatting with the gay floor manager, you found out from her, voila...

He did not show up for work.

To name the ten most common reasons (real ones or fabricated) why he was not present at work that night*, in random order, after the jump:

*Note: This assumes he is coming back to work, maybe the next day or the next week, and does not assume he has left the bar or resigned already.

Ayan, Napaghahalata Tuloy

SM North Edsa, Skywalk 2nd floor.
Martes, 9:15 P.M.

Dalawang magkaibigang vakels ang naglalakad. Sina Mary at GB Goer. Nag-iisip kung saan kakain.

May boylet na dumaan sa harap nila. Early 20s. Mestizo. 5 foot 8. Naka itim na fitted razorback na sando, itim na pantalon na slim cut, at itim na balat na sapatos. May bag na dala. Bumaba sa escalator papuntang ground level, sa sakayan.

Nagtinginan ang magkaibigan.

GB: Macho dancer?
Mary: Oo nga! Yun din naisip ko!
GB: Sure ka?
Mary: Halata.
GB: Dahil sa sando no?
Mary: Pati sa itsura.
GB: Baka naman pangit. (Hindi kasi nakita ang fez).
Mary: Nakita ko nga e. Pwedeng pwede!
GB: Ay! Halika, sundan natin.
Mary: Sa baba?
GB: Oo! Hanggang makasakay. Alamin natin kung saan pupunta.

Tiningnan ni Mary nang masama si GB Goer, na para bang may luka-lukang kausap. Tinawanan na lang ni GB. I-stalk ba raw ang boylet?

Mary: Tamang-tama, oras na ng pasok.

Tumingin si GB sa relo. 9:20 PM. Pwede.

GB: In fairness, ready na sa susuotin niya. Magpapalit na lang ng pantalon at sapatos.
Mary: Korek!
GB: Baka naman waiter? Nagpalit na lang siya ng sando pagkatapos ng shift.
Mary: Hindi! Bagong ligo e. (Napag-isip si GB: Paano niya nalaman? Naamoy kaya niya?)
GB: Naka-make up na ba?
Mary: Hindi. Syempre sa bar na mag-muuukkk up!
GB: Korek! San San foundation.

At dahil pinag-usapan ng dalawa ang pinaghihinalaang macho dancer, wala nang nangyari sa kanila mula noong dumaan ang boylet.

Mary: Alis na nga tayo rito.

Umalis ang dalawang magkaibigan sa mall nang hindi naghapunan. Nabusog siguro sa nakita.

Lesson: Sa mga lalaki
Para sa mga lalaking ayaw mapagkamalang macho dancer ng mga bading habang papunta kung saan man, huwag magsuot ng itim na fitted razorback na sando at balat na sapatos, lalo na kung nasa mall na malapit-lapit sa isang gay bar. Siguraduhin ding huwag maligo bago pumasok. Lalo na kung guwapo.

Lesson: Sa mga vakels
Huwag masyadong ipaghalatang alam ang itsura ng isang macho dancer na naka going-to-work attire. Baka isipin ng mga tao sa paligid na napapadalas ang pagpunta niyo sa gay bar. Huwag din masyadong malikot ang mata. Baka kung sinu-sino na lang ang pagkamalan ninyong macho dancer.


GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

How to Explain Manila's Gay Bars to a Foreigner

Said by my colleague over dinner: "I don't want to go to the spa anymore. Let's just see some naked dancing guys."

I was in a tricky situation last Saturday night when a gay officemate of mine, "Rye" (SEAsian, early 30s, discreet gay, has a partner) from Singapore was here in Manila. He has experienced the "modern" gay sex-life of Southeast Asia -- cruising, gay clubs, M2M massages with extras, and go-go boys. He even brought me to Bangkok's go-go boy area near Patpong two weeks back, which was my first time. However, he hasn't been to Manila's so-called macho dancing bars or gay bars.

So I felt it was my time to bring Rye to Manila's version of go-go boys.

Choosing where to go to became a minor dilemma. Because I had a reputation to uphold (ehem) as he didn't know of this secret hobby of mine, I needed to be discreet and choose the perfect place:

• Should be near Makati and in a bar where I've been to
• Should NOT expose me as a regular customer, but as someone who has gone there 4-5 times only.
• Should NOT be where I was known by almost half of the macho dancers, whom I have possibly tabled previously, but only by four max.
• Should NOT be where I would greeted with fawning "Welcome Back" screams of the gay managers, the waiters, and the rest of the staff when we arrive.

Thus, Home Base was out, and to Kingdom Come we went.

What happened next, read after the jump:

Songs in a Gay Bar: Power Ballads

A power ballad is typically defined as a slow tempo song of a rock artist often used to convey an emotional or "profound message to their audience."*

When it comes to macho dancer bars, since the 80s or 90s, the anthem of these gay bars has always been the power ballad. As depicted in local movies both mainstream and indie, as parodied in local comedy tv shows, as performed in front of friends during private parties, the music played when a man stripteases is always the power ballad (and the gasgas "Careless Whisper" by Wham / George Michael of Hayden Kho infamy, of course, as an exception to this genre).

No surprises for Pinoys. And gay-bar-going Pinoys and Pinays.

What surprised me and my friend, Mary, though is how these songs get stuck into our brains long after we've left the gay bar. Often, when we go karaoke singing, some of these songs worm their way into our playlist. And when the song gets played, we glance at each other, chuckle, and try to recall the name of the dancer who danced to this song. Sometimes, just for the fun and heck of it, I imitate how these dancers move while my friends are singing these ballads.

These songs, with their deep lyrics accompanied with heavy drums and electric guitars, do evoke certain strong emotions. And when coupled with a tall hunky man dancing on stage, what one sees is a man expressing his deep feelings to the woman he loves, but in a strong, masculine way, without beeing too soft or mushy. The combination of sight and sound can ideally turn on matrons or gay patrons -- seeing the macho dancer become more manly but showing their softer side as well.

I'll share here the typical power ballads I keep hearing when going the rounds of gay bars in Manila. These are not necessarily the top 5, but at least, the top of my mind. They are connected some way to certain dancers I know or certain bars or certain experiences I had.

1. "Blaze of Glory" and "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi
- the songs of choice by the top dancers in Home Base

2. "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner (remade by Mariah Carey)

3. "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" by Meatloaf (but since it's a very loooong song, DJs just cut it out in the end)

4. "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith
- Macho dancers admit liking to dance to this song. And I have to admit, when this song is played, my full attention is on stage. This song puts the "power" in a power ballad for a gay bar, especially when the macho dancer knows how to fully harness the song's crescendos (and Steven Tyler's screams) in a routine.

5. And the Forever Favorite of macho dancers (for whatever reason, maybe because it was remade recently by the winner of a reality show singer) as a song to both dance to and sing along to ("im forever yours... Pait-puly!"). Yes, you'll here that line sung in the entire bar.

"Faithfully" by Journey

Take note though that not all songs played in gay bars are just power ballads. There are also other genres played, like the contemporary love song, the recent R&B dance hit, the OPM ballad, and the korean pop song. I'll post another entry about those.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

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*From Wikipedia: Ballad, quoted from Aaron, Charles (2002), "Don't Fight the Power".

Blind Item: Former Macho Dancer?

I am enthralled with blind items, especially those posted in pinoy exchange. These tabloid-lifted news just keep on flowing with nameless maldita teen princesses, horny love teams, druggie actresses, gay-for-pay hunk actors, reality show alums with gay benefactors, closet matinee idols, etc etc etc.

I am uncertain if these are true. But my easily excitable mind would want to believe that certain fantasies could be for real.

Like this one -- how true is it that a young Popular Moreno Actor (PMA), a darling of tabloid news tidbits, cast recently in consecutive popular soaps in a giant network, was once a macho dancer?

This rumor I've heard from the top gay bar in the north-east to the top gay bar in the south-west. I first heard about this from one macho dancer in the south-west bar. Before becoming famous, said PMA applied as a dancer in the said bar, but didn't push through. I read in a gay blog about an unnamed dancer working for another bar in the north-east (QC), who made it as a lead actor in a low-budget film. Then, a few weeks ago, at another bar, the macho dancer we tabled confirmed that PMA really did work in one gay bar in that area, but not in the same bar mentioned in the gay blog.

I am not surprised about these hearsays, based on what I commonly see in gay bars. He is blessed with an endearing face with slightly-chinito puppy dog eyes. His body may not be muscular, but his lean and toned Pinoy-na-Pinoy bod can already induce fantasies among gay men. Call me masama (bad), but how he speaks is similar to the boys working in these bars -- somehow un-refined, a bit kanto.

And his first roles in the digital screen? Same-same but different.

(Ms. Zsa Zsa Padilla, anyone? "Ms. Zsa Zsa" sounds like masasha...)

His image now on-screen is entirely detached from his supposed past life. But tabloid fodder won't seem to stop digging news connecting him to his juicy past. How he was supposedly a boytoy of the award-winning film director-producer who discovered him. How he is now the boytoy of a top TV exec, and the reason why his projects never seem to stop. How he may have gone around the circles of gays paying for solo nights with him.

Poor boy. His past doesn't seem to escape him, despite being elevated into celebrity status and repackaged as a lead actor by the giant network he's working in now.

And poor little boys who work in macho dancing bars, whose dreams are hinged of what PMA has become. As how one dancer told me, "Tingnan mo si PMA, dati macho dancer lang. Ngayon, sikat na. Sana ako rin." (Look at PMA. He was just a macho dancer before. Now, he's famous. I hope it happens to me also.)

I wished these blind items were true, just for my personal gay fantasies of possibly spending a night (literally and figuratively) with this boyish actor with a manly body. Or how I can hook up with the next popular matinee idol, yet to be discovered in a gay bar.

Maybe some of those in the macho dancer industry do hope these rumors are true as well, who consider PMA as their IDOL of being elevated from the hardships and poverty they are in.

So who is PMA, who starred in a soap about those initials? The clues are just so obvious. Care to guess?

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer