Macho Dancing Boot Camp?

My last post on Knee Pads has an example of a dance routine in a macho dancing gay bar. Almost all macho dancers do this kneeling-on-the-floor action, I guess, to add variety in movements to finish off a four-minute song.

Thinking about it, I notice that in general, macho dancers do have a certain routine – their slow walk on-stage, their side-to-side swaying movement, where they position their arms and how to move them, when to bend down, kneel down, stand up, and at which point to exit the stage.

I often ask the young guys I table (yeah, I like ‘em fresh meat) where and how they learned their moves. I previously imagined newbies having like a week-long boot camp or in-house training for macho dancers of sorts.

I was wrong. Obviously (duh, where in the Philippines would you find a macho dancer boot camp? Young boys topless, but in camouflage underwear. Wait, that stirred something in me...)

So where is this boot camp? Gorah!
[Image from http://www.2xistence.com/2010/04/]

In the bars I’ve been to, the boys usually say that they learned how to dance by simply observing the veterans and imitating how they move, emote, and entice on-lookers. There was no formal training. Sabak agad, as one said. A novice would just be “pushed” to the stage, and try to do their best routine based observations and stock knowledge.

That’s why an expert gay bar-goer can distinguish a beginner versus an old-timer, based on the dance. The beginner’s moves will just be an imitation of the better-choreographed, oft-rehearsed routines of an old-timer.  The beginner struggles to finish a whole song, in just one standing position, while an old-timer can do pa-sirko-sirko from straight up to lying down, from left stage to right stage. A beginner can entice you just because of his looks and body. An old-timer, despite the not-so-fresh look, can make you stop any on-going conversations, put down your bottle of beer, and just watch.

But give the newbie a few more weeks or months, and he'll have his own routine, his own signature move, and chosen ballad to dance to. That is if he's still working in the bar (and not get suspended or fired because of zero MD-drink sales).

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

Knee Pads

When websites and blogs describe the basic uniform of a macho dancer, they often mention three things -- sando or wife beaters, boxer briefs / short shorts, and the infamous high boots. These are the obvious and basic things one sees, worn by almost all macho dancers in all macho dancing bars / gay bars / strip clubs.

What they always forget though is the one most important piece of garment any macho dancer must have, from a newbie of nineteen to an aging retiring dancer aged thirty plus -- the knee pads.

Comes in two colors -- white or black.
Note: Actual macho dancers have hairier and more muscular legs than the models above.

No one actually notices this piece of garment unless one asks the dancer or really observes. The knee pads look inconspicuous as they're partially hidden by the high leather boots.

The main reason for using is quite obvious. It protects their knees when they kneel on the stage floor when doing their macho moves. Imagine this quite difficult macho routine as an example (with background music - Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing"):

At 2nd chorus before the bridge, when Steven Tyler sings "I don't wanna close my eyes / I don't wanna fall asleep", from a standing position, they suddenly kneel on their left knee as they twirl their arms above their heads. At "Cause I miss you baby / And I don't wanna miss a thing", they shift to kneel on their right knee, then rotate on the right knee to face the back of the stage. Then at "Cause even when I dream of you / the sweetest thing will never do", they will kneel on both knees then bend backwards as if lying face-up on the ground (while rolling their two arms - infamous macho dance move), then raise themselves using their knees. At "I still miss you baby / And I don't wanna miss a thing" , they rotate again to face the audience, do a snake-like gyration. Then at the bridge "I don't wanna miss one smile / I don't wanna miss one kiss", they will lie facing the ground, dry humping it as if to simulate sex... just using their hands and knees on the ground. They do this for most of the bridge until the high note of "for all the rest of time". Then they stand up before the last chorus.   

Their knee pads may protect them when they're dancing on stage, but these can become really uncomfortable, according to these dancers. This is most true when they are seated and tabled with the customer, as the knees become sweaty and warm underneath these pads. If not washed regularly, these too become itchy when worn. The dancers can't remove these after each dance, as it will involve removing their high boots and unfastening and re-fastening all the buckles per boot. So they just keep them on, until they are called for their next stage performance.

So if you, as a customer, want to impress a newbie, ask him if he already has his pair of knee pads. If not, you may want to buy him some. Because for sure, he will priortize investing on the three basics I mentioned earlier -- new sandos, new boxer briefs, and those high leather boots, which are rather quite expensive (P5K - P7K). Just a thought, if you have the means, why not pay for all these as well?

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

Reasons Why He Didn't Reply

To name the most common reasons why a macho dancer or hosto didn't reply to your text message (or didn't text at all):

In light of Stewart's very late reply a full day and night (24+ hours) after our supposed meet-up

1. Nawalan ng load - TOP reason and easiest justification of not texting you back

    > Making you think twice if you want to send him some load... or a ploy to make you send him some

    > Caution though, sending him some load might backlash if you expect that he use the load you sent him just for you. He still has friends and family to text also, remember.

2. Na-low bat ako / Naka-patay ang phone / Charging - It's not my fault; it's the phone's fault!

    a. Variation 1: Sira ang phone / Luma na ang phone

    > Well, most will tell you honestly about the state of their phones. But take care. Sometimes this is a ploy to buy him a brand new phone, preferrably an iPhone or BB or any new smart phone in the market.

    b. Variation 2: Sinangla ang phone

    > I never knew that pawnshops accepted cellphones already (since late 90s pa ba?). Well, I've seen 2nd hand cellphones being sold, but not pawned. As per the boys who've actually pawned their phones, oftentimes, they just let go of their quite expensive phones in the pawnshop, hoping to receive a new one (from you or another guest). But, they eventually buy a cheaper model (from their earnings, or from poor you who was sympathetic enough to give him enough money to buy back the expensive phone but traded for a cheaper one).

3. Sori tulog pa / Nakatulog ako kagabi - Don't you know my sched?

    > Especially if you text him between 9am and 5pm. You naman kasi, you know naman their night shift schedule diba, so what do you expect.

   > Doubt though if he replies with this message the next morning. Again, you have an idea of their schedule and your boy's general sleeping-waking patterns.

4. Nagbibihis / Nagpa-plantsa ng buhok - I need to look good, that's why you like me. 

    > Looking good is important in this industry. You'll usually receive this after their call time of 9-10pm. But if he replies at 1am with this message, you need to think twice if he's telling you the truth. Unless he is THAT vain.

    a. Variation: Kumain muna.

    > He's usually honest about this, especially if the lag period is about 30 minutes to an hour. He'll even follow up with "ikaw, kumain na ba?" Sweet, I know.

5. Sumasayaw or Rumampa kanina (and replies a few hours after with: "kakatapos ko lang sumayaw")

   > One of the more honest replies from him. Especially if sent between 11-12 midnight, or at about 2-4 am.

6. Naka-table ako / May guest ako na dumating - I am at work. Busy. Focused. Just like you at work.

   > One of the more honest replies from him. Especially if sent between 1-4 am. As a guest, you don't want your tabled macho dancer or hosto to be texting while you are there. That's why most keep their phones hidden -- in their boots, at the side of their boxer shorts, pants, or with the wardrobe personnel.

  > If you're not the understanding type (ie. selosa/seloso), you'll be in endless discussion with him on the type of work that he is in, and that you, of all people, should understand it. So the next time you ask, he might just lie to you instead of telling you that he was tabled by a customer that time

7. May sakit ako kaya hindi naka-reply

   > Give him the benefit of the doubt. He might not have any load at that time and was not well enough to get out of bed to the nearest sari-sari store to purchase some load. Of course, he won't explain it to you that way. But when you get sick, isn't it easy enough to at least inform the other party of your slight fever, to quell any of their worries (assuming you have load)?

8. Bumabiyahe pa / Nasa jeep or bus or FX or LRT ako -- Don't text me when I am in transit, for many reasons...

   > Their reasons: Phone might get stolen if I use it while in transit. Or I didn't hear the message tone. Or I was asleep while commuting. Or I can't reply when another guest of mine is bringing me to work in his/her car (of course, they won't say that to you).

9. Busy / May pinuntahan / Nag gym ako -- I have errands too, you know.

   > If you probe him further on this one, he'll either blast you with a litany on what happened to him that day (honest or fabricated, seeking empathy or simply ranting) or just shut you out with a "basta."

10. Other absurd reason he'll give to make you feel he hasn't forgetten you (or hasn't flirted with some other guest)

    > Combination of three or more reasons mentioned above - Sure, give him the benefit of the doubt.    

    > Kinagat ng daga, kaya nag punta sa ospital at etc etc -- a private joke among my friends, as replied by one of the boys. But, as absurd as it sounds, really? Ouch!

    > Nabasa ang phone -- Did the guys go swimming between last night we met and this morning?

    > Nakipagkita sa kapatid / tito / pinsan / barkada / (insert relative's or friend's name) - Even if it took the entire day or night or weekend for him to reply, he will never mention that it was another guest he met up with.

But remember Occum's Razor. Loosely summarized, "The simplest answer is usually the correct answer."

Guess which one was Stewart's reply to me.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com 
Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

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Photocredit: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlematch.aspx?cp-documentid=24065084

The Meal between 7pm and 10pm

“Stewart” and I were supposed to meet earlier for dinner. We made quick arrangements yesterday to meet up tonight before he goes to work. Between 7pm to 10pm

This time is sort of the “holy grail” if a customer would want to meet up quickly with a macho dancer or hosto outside of the bar. They are usually free at this time -- after they wake-up at 6-7 pm and before their call time of 9-10 pm. On a regular day, this is the time they take a quick shower, dress up for work, catch a glimpse of some local TV shows, and grab a quick bite at home, before they head out for a 30-minute to an hour commute to work.

But oftentimes, they would rush to go to work without having eaten anything yet. Once they arrive in their bar, they would either order a one ulam (viand) rice meal from the bar’s kitchen, or sneak outside to eat at the nearby carinderia, or eat a few pieces of pandesal / egg they brought, or suffer the entire night without having eaten anything (worse, they’d be drinking beer on an empty stomach). They’d be lucky if a customer who “tabled” them that night would order one or two plates of bar chow together with their drinks. Of course, they’d be luckier if the matakaw customer would order so much (attention: my friend, “Ringo”) that, as one macho dancer said, with this free meal, “kanin na lang ang kulang.”

So I thought an invitation to dine out – call it either my dinner or their “breakfast” – would be accepted without hesitation. I never got a refusal from any boy who was on his way to work; some of them even invite us out. What’s to lose from a free dinner treated by a customer?

I don’t know, but Stewart never replied if our dinner would push through tonight.   

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer

"Javier": Hosto Turned Macho

I only met "Javier" once in a hosto bar. It was August, my first time in the bar, “Neigherbood.” My two gay bar-hopping pals visited the place the previous week, and were raving about the "quality" of men there -- not only good-looking. but can converse well (and even text properly in English). One of the guys they tabled was "Javier", and they told me to get him on our next visit.

I didn't get to table Javier the entire night in that August visit. He was occupied with another guest at that time. When his guest left a few hours after, he went to our group, but unfortunately, I was occupied with another guy already.

Javier, late 20s, was totally good-looking. Yeah, boys in these hosto bars were supposed to be good looking at the very least, in their own kanto-boy-ish, er-ish (constuction work-er, driv-er, etc), or korean-pop-inspired-ish appeal. At 5’8, he was not the tallest. He was not muscular at all but not too thin, had a fair complexion, quite smooth and flawless in his symmetrical face. He had a boyish face that also revealed he’s nearing 30. He had attributes that sounded like the average Pinoy man working in these bars. But he seemed different.

He seemed to have been raised in a middle-class or well-to-do family, from his manners and his clean-cut refined image, and not in the streets of Tondo or fields of the province under the scorching skin-darkening sun. He could've been a commercial model for a toothpaste or shampoo ad, with his smile and neatly styled naturally wavy hair. Or if he just had more height, he could’ve been in runway shows for some local designer. He could've been my schoolmate, possibly the popular upper classman surrounded by the campus heartthrobs, or the soccer varsity jock surrounded by fellow handsome team mates. I could've seen him before, as the lead actor's best friend in a local TV show somewhere, or the officemate who was always in demand to host the office parties, or the gentlemanly suitor of my cousin living in Alabang. But there he was, a clear stand-out from the rest of the boys, sitting among us, working in a hosto bar.

From the snippets of stories I got from him and my gay pals, apparently, he has already worked as a hosto in Japan before, for more than a few years. He has done VTRs for some modeling jobs, but never got to an actual advertisement. He said he simply wanted to try out this type of “hosto” job, but he vowed never to work for a macho dancing bar (He couldn’t see himself trying to dance bare sensually in front of crowds). He was coy about his love life, if he had a girlfriend, or wife, or even kids.

On our next visit to the same bar the following week, we found out Javier already left. He only lasted for more than a week. But during his stay, he was apparently one of the most sought-after guys there. Never vacant, he always had a customer requesting for him. A potential star of the bar had left, and we didn’t know for what reason. Pahinga (to rest), perhaps

Three months after, just last December, my gay pals and I visited “Home Base,” the macho dancing bar. We wanted to see who the new recruits were, and apparently there were quite a lot since we last visited. The manager introduced the new boys, three at a time. On the third set, to our surprise, “Javier” was being introduced to us as a newbie. Even if we knew him before, we didn’t pick him.

That night, I was observing Javier dance up on stage. He added a bit of weight -- fat, not muscle. His age of 30 was now obvious. His hairline, which was just slightly receding, was more obvious than before. He never removed his sando when he danced, though it revealed a tattoo on his arm that we never saw in the wholesome hosto bar. On stage, he just stood there, barely moving from side-to-side, and looked very awkward, self-conscious and obviously amateurish. But he had a smile on, chuckling now and then to some unseen macho friend or guest in the bar, as if he was making fun of his new job, or just in disbelief that he was on stage dancing. Amidst the macho dancers in Home Base, he now looked very ordinary.

The once-upon-a-time star of the hosto bar has become just-one-of-those in the macho bar.

Last I heard, Javier has not showed up for work for a week or two, and apparently, “resting” again.

GB Goer
Learn more: Lessons from Gay Bars in Manila
http://machosandhostos.blogspot.com/
email: char.affairs@gmail.com; Follow at twitter: @gbgoer